


Monsters Should Be Cute!

by TellCosy



Category: Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Bittybones, Big Bitty, Fluff, Fun, Horror Bitties, Nicknamed Readers, No Angst, Plot Happened Anyway, Scarily cute monsters, Silly, no sadness, rated for language
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-04-21
Updated: 2018-05-14
Packaged: 2018-06-03 16:19:41
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 32,395
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6617584
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TellCosy/pseuds/TellCosy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There's nothing better than having a terrifying(ly cute) skeleton monster in your life! You love Pumpkin, and Pumpkin loves you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. No Refunds

**Author's Note:**

> Guys, I don't even...know what I'm doing. 
> 
> Here is thebindingbird's design of the ["Pumpkin"](http://thebindingbird.tumblr.com/post/142610690227/the-biggest-scariest-bitty-he-likes-to-sit-and) version of bitty Teddy.
> 
> HorrorTale Sans et al belong to the amazing mods over at [ horrortale.tumblr.com. ](http://horrortale.tumblr.com) Warning for graphic gore and violence! 18+ Blog
> 
> Bitty AU by fucken-crybaby. The tumblr is at [ bittybones-au.tumblr.com. ](http://bittybones-au.tumblr.com)

“Oh, sorry—we’re closed.”

A very harried, wide-eyed woman came barrelling through the storefront anyway, ducking under the gap in the lowering gate. The equally harried, very _tired_ worker in the pet store yelped and stopped the gate, trying to press her back through the door, but she was persistent.

“No, no, you can’t close yet! I have to return—you have to take—I can’t keep him!” she squealed, her voice unnaturally high. The worker frowned, their eyebrows drawing together. They recognised that voice. It belonged to the same woman who had come ‘round just yesterday to collect one of the new monster pets she’d ordered. The pet store itself wasn’t big enough to house them—the nearest one being over twenty miles away—but they did get them delivered in for collection. And the worker remembered this woman with intense clarity. It was putting it mildly to say that she had not been an ‘easy’ customer.

In fact, if the cage held under one of her velour-covered arms was any indication of why she had returned in such a tizzy, the worker had only one thing to say.

“Sorry, ma’am. Even if we weren’t closed, we couldn’t process your request. There are no refunds for that particular monster.”

The woman’s eyes went wider, somehow, though it hadn’t seemed possible. The worker tried to hide their distaste behind the worst smile they had ever managed in front of a customer.

“No, but—he’s _defective_!” The woman’s eyes narrowed as she held out the cage, and the worker could tell they were about to hear a rant that would definitely cost them valuable cleaning time. Oh well. At least they were still technically on the clock. “He doesn’t _do_ anything! He just sits there in his cage and _looks_ at me, or glares at my dog, _licking his teeth_ , or _growls_ at me when I try to pick him up! He bit me when I put his collar on!”

The woman shoved the cage at the worker, and they took it instinctively, though they immediately cursed themself, as the woman was now backtracking _as well as_ ranting.

“I don’t care what you do with it—I don’t care if I get a refund—I just _don’t want it_ in my _house_! Monsters are supposed to do cute things, and say cute stuff, and _be cute_!”

The worker tried to follow the woman and return the cage to her, but she was having none of it, flailing her hands as though they were trying to hand her a venomous snake. She ignored their protests, choosing instead to squeeze through the door and scold through the glass, waggling her finger as she snarled,

“Monsters are supposed to be _cute_! _Not scary_! ”

The worker just stared, their mouth hanging open slightly as they kept the cage tucked against their chest. They had never seen such incoherent disapproval before, and they had worked in retail for several years now. It was actually pretty impressive, the amount of disdain this woman had summoned.

“You’re getting a _very angry_ , very _1-star_ review on Yelp! I’m going to be speaking to your manager! I’m going to complain to the company owner that you’re running a scam here!”

The worker just continued staring, slightly entranced at the amount of spit flying into the glass. They were glad it was on the outside of the store. There were cleaners that came to the mall to clean the outside windows. The worker only had to worry about the inside.

They heard a small chuckle from inside the cage.

“Are you even listening to me? Are you going to just stand there staring at me like an idiot? Or are you going to—to get rid of that thing and refund me? You _have to_ refund me, you can’t just take it from me and not give me my money back!”

The worker blinked.

They looked down through the slats of the plastic cage and saw small red eyes peering back up at them. The worker blinked again, and looked back to the woman.

“I’m sorry, ma’am. No refunds.”

The worker couldn’t even tell what the woman was shrieking at them, she was so furious. By then, she had attracted the attention of the security guards, though, and they began speaking to her, trying to calm her down. The worker just watched her angrily attempt to explain how they had her property and she wanted it refunded or returned. The guards looked over at them.

They shrugged. “I can give her store credit?”

That was apparently the wrong thing to say.

The security guards had to escort the woman from the premises, saying how the mall was closing, and she would have to come back tomorrow to get it sorted. The worker could hear her shrieking all the way down the other end of the mall about how ‘ _Monsters aren’t supposed to be scary_!’

Finally, though, the mall returned to its peaceful silence, and the worker was left alone with the cause of the whole mess.

Placing the cage on the top of the checkout counter, they quickly unlatched it and bent over to rest their head on their folded arms, getting on the same level as the monster. He was a humanoid skeleton, with thick bones, a heavy brow, and wicked-looking teeth that interlocked in a way that the worker could tell could cause a nasty bite if he wasn’t happy with his treatment. He was a big guy, as far as monsters went: he was about the same height as a cat, though obviously not as long. His dual-irised eyes—their colour a deep red that reminded the worker heavily of blood—were glowing and pulsing slightly as he reclined lazily against the back wall of the cage. They smiled wryly as one of his eye sockets closed cheekily, the other still watching them with obvious curiosity.

“Jeez, buddy, what the hell did you _do_ to her?”

The monster’s toothy mouth shifted into something like a smile. 

It looked just as wicked as the rest of them, and the worker couldn’t help but laugh.

“Y’alright, buddy, I don’t blame you one bit. But you put me in kind of a mess. I gotta clean this place up and get home.” They hummed thoughtfully. “I don’t really know what to do with you.”

The monster just watched, not saying anything.

The worker huffed out a sigh, the air blowing up their fringe.

“Well, I guess you’ll just have to stay snug in there for the minute. I’ll figure out what to do with you long-term once I’m done.”

The monster smiled again.

The worker flew through their tasks, taking care of the few animals they actually housed in the store and cleaning the usual mess left by customers, fixing the shelf fronts and sweeping away the dust. It took them about half the time it usually did, they were so concerned with making the monster just wait for them. He didn’t seem to mind, though. He had shuffled forward in his cage, enough to watch them working around the store without actually coming out. They talked to him as they worked, throwing out suggestions for what they could do with him for the night. He never spoke back, and they were beginning to wonder just how such a calm and quiet monster had managed to wreck that woman’s world.

Finally, though, they were done. They collected their things and went back to where the monster waited, his feet against the countertop as he leaned his elbows forward on his knees, his head propped up on his palm, while the other dangled between his legs. He looked bored, but still interested in the worker. They didn’t blame him. Cleaning was one of the most boring parts of the day, though they did enjoy the routine of it.

“So. What should I do with you, then, huh?”

The worker leaned forward, mimicking the monster’s pose. The monster just watched them, saying nothing. Finally, after a bit of thought, the worker sighed with a smile.

“I guess I can’t leave you here. There isn’t anywhere to keep you. And even if there was, I’m sure my boss would kill me for leaving you for them to find in the morning.”

They tapped their fingers against the counter, before standing straight again and shrugging.

“Looks like you’re coming home with me for tonight, buddy. Hope you don’t mind.”

The monster shrugged back at them.

They snorted and gestured to the cage. “Alright, at least that’s settled for now. Go ahead and jump back in there and we’ll get go—or, ah, or you could just jump on my arm. That…that works too.”

The worker smiled nervously down at the monster now clinging to their jacket, his long, sharp claws digging in. He scrambled up their sleeve as they yelped with surprise, leaning away to watch him as best they could. Finally he settled himself on their shoulder, kicking his tennis-shoed foot once against their clavicle. 

“You okay up there?” the worker asked, peering at him nervously. “You’re not gonna fall?”

The skeleton monster shook his head the smallest amount, tucking his chin below the high collar of his jacket.

“Take me home.”

The worker blinked at the small, but very deep voice that rumbled from the monster. Well, okay. If he said so.

“You’re the boss, applesauce.”

The monster smiled. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SILLY PUMPKIN. CAGES ARE FOR KIDS.
> 
> I mean--
> 
> -cough-
> 
> So this is just going to be silly little drabbles. Fun stuff. Stress relief from my other writing when I can't manage not to hate it. GOOD TIMES. CRAZY DAYS.
> 
> There was an old lady who swallowed a spider. She swallowed the spider to catch my tumblr. I don't know why she swallowed my tumblr.
> 
> Give it back, old lady.
> 
> tellcosy.tumblr.com
> 
> That's better.


	2. Meeting Reader

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That itty bitty skele just wants to snuggle. With claws.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The concept of HP standing for HOPE is not my idea--I have no idea who originally came up with it (there are loads of Reddit posts about it), but I saw [ this fanart by Cyaneus of Sans losing HOPE ](http://draconym.tumblr.com/post/134824173259) and thought it could apply here, too.

“Pumpkin? Pumpkin, where did you go?”

You woke slowly, the sound of your roommate’s whispers outside your room filtering through your sleep-clogged ears.

“Puuuumpkin?”

You coughed, grimacing at the weight on your chest. Great, were you getting sick? That was the last thing you needed—for a cold to infect your lungs when you had a six-day shift this week.

“Pumpkin, please come back. My boss will kill me if I lose you!”

That certainly got your attention. What the hell had your roommate lost from the store, this time?

Dear God, you hoped they hadn’t brought home another ferret. You loved the little bastards, but they were absolute nightmares to look after without anything to keep them busy.

“Whatever you brought home—take it back!” you groaned through your door from your bed. You were rewarded with the sound of your roommate stumbling over something in the hall and presumably falling down.

Your doorknob clattered and turned, and your roommate poked their head into your room, a wobbly, apologetic smile on their face. You blinked over at them, your eyes very blurry without your glasses.

“Oh, hey boss, uh—sorry to wake you up.”

“Don’t call me that,” you groaned, closing your eyes and turning your head away. God, had you fallen asleep with a book on you or something? You felt like there was something actually _on_ your chest. “So what did you lose this time? Tarantula? Snake? Actual elephant?”

“No, no, nothing dangerous, just— _Pumpkin_ , no!”

You opened your eyes again, peering through the dark at them as they slammed open your door and came leaping onto your bed. You squawked and scrambled backwards as fast as you could while still being half-asleep. As you did, you felt something sharp—several sharp somethings, in fact—dig into your shirt and stomach, where your night shirt had ridden up. 

“ _Shit—ting—God—what—the—ass—_ ” you yelped, tearing at your shirt, only to realise there was something large and heavy clinging to you. Your entire upper body froze while your hand slammed onto the touch-activated lamp beside your bed. Light flooded the room and you had to blink several times to fully comprehend what you saw.

There was a skeleton—a _monster_ skeleton, you corrected yourself—with sharp claws and vicious teeth, looking up at you with blood-red eyes. He was wearing what looked to be basketball shorts and a black t-shirt, but his feet were bare of socks or shoes, allowing him to scratch at your skin with his pointed phalanges. Your roommate had their hands stretched out to him, and their teeth were bared in a wide grimace.

You grunted, reaching a hand up to the monster and bracing him by his swinging legs, so that he didn’t have to dig into your stomach quite so hard. He didn’t shy away from your touch at all, like some monsters did. Instead, he simply sat his bony butt against your palm as though that was what he’d wanted all along.

“Underling?” you said, looking up to your roommate, using your nick name for them that had gotten started by their ridiculous insistence to call _you_ ‘boss’. “Why have you brought home a monster?”

They grimaced harder. “Because—he—wanted to?” You gave them a capital-L Look, and they sighed, flopping face-down into your duvet. You could hear how smushed they were by how nasal their voice went. “That woman came back and returned him.”

“What?” you protested. “No! What’d I tell her? No refunds!”

“I _know_ , I _know_!” Your roommate shifted their face just enough for you to see a single eye and a bit of their squashed nose and mouth. “But she just tossed him at me and creeped out of the store as I was closing. Then she started yelling about how I was trying to steal him without giving her a refund.”

“The— _faaack_?” you exclaimed, making a face of your own. You sighed and looked down at the monster, who was still regarding you with his wide, bright eyes.  “What did you do to her, huh?”

“That’s what _I_ asked!” your roommate said, propping themself up on their elbows and giving the monster a soft little poke. The little guy just shot them an amused look. “He wouldn’t say. But he did take off his collar as soon as I got him home, and kicked it practically into space. So I’m thinking it might be more what _she_ did to _him_.”

You tilted your head slightly as you studied the monster in your hands. “Hmm,” you grunted, your professional eyes taking over. You reached for your glasses and shoved them onto your face, biting your tongue as you inspected the little skeleton for any signs of abuse. So help you, if you found a single mark on him…

But no. There weren’t any physical signs of abuse. 

You sighed in relief.

That didn’t actually mean the woman had been fit to take care of the monster, though. You’d looked after and partly-bonded with several monsters in your time at the shop, and you had never known them to be poor judges of character. If someone wasn’t meant to own a monster, the monster would let them know within a few days—a week at most.

And usually, the store would issue a refund, no questions asked, and work on rehoming the poor monster. But certain monsters—most of the Sans-type, this one included—weren’t really fit for multiple adoptions. They would get sad, and lose HOPE—more commonly known as HP. If the store tried to adopt them out too many times, they ran the risk of the little monster getting depressed, and even ‘falling down’—the monster equivalent of going into a deadly coma.

So, to combat that, most pet stores in the region had put a blanket policy on adoptions of certain types of monsters. Customers wanting to adopt the high-risk monsters had to go through several more steps in order to do so. It served to both discourage those who weren’t very serious about properly caring for a monster, and to warn those who were willing to go through the steps that their decision was likely to be a lifetime commitment. Monsters could live for several human generations, if taken care of properly, and if they had bonded to the entire family.

Certainly not a spur-of-the-moment decision.

Or, at least it wasn’t _supposed_ to be.

Apparently it still didn’t stop _some people_.

You were pretty Not Pleased with the woman who had returned the little monster resting on your chest. You had interviewed her yourself, had made sure she knew that the horror-Sans was not going to be a particularly easy type to adopt, even amongst other Sans-types. They were usually very quiet and could be quite vicious if mishandled. They were very mischievous, very curious about everything to do with their human. And most of all, they _loved_ to scare.

But good golly, Miss Molly, were they smart. If you wanted a companion who you could sit and chat with about physics or astronomy or _anything_ , a Sans was definitely the right choice. And they were always so full of life when they found that one human who was Just Right for Them. You had seen it so many times, and it never failed to make you a little choked up. You loved to see the bond between a monster and human grow so strong. It was why you did what you did.

She had nodded, and cooed over pictures of him, and told you about how her children had all grown up and left her and how she wanted a proper bond again. She was _lonely_ , she’d said.

Well, a Sans would definitely be perfect for you, then, you had confirmed. You would be perfectly frank with her: a horror-Sans was going to be even harder work to fully bond with, but if she was kind and honest and could appreciate his playful side, then it would only be a matter of time.

She had nodded again and again, assuring you that of course, of course, of _course_ she would be all those things, and she knew it would take time, and she was perfectly ready for that commitment.

You had smiled at her enthusiasm, shaken her hand, and signed the adoption papers.

And then she’d done something like this.

You growled with frustration. No matter how many times it happened, you were never _not_ angry. It just boiled your blood when people lied.

“You okay, boss?”

You blinked, brought back to the present. Your roommate was sitting up, their eyes full of concern. You gave them a lopsided, apologetic grin. “Yeah, I’m fine. Just pissed.”

“I feel you. I was getting pretty shitty about it, too.”

You narrowed your eyes, your thumb stroking along the skeleton monster’s spine absently. He had his head on your chest, his claws still dug into your shirt. You hoped he hadn’t hurt it too badly. It was one of your favourites.

“She didn’t get abusive with you, did she?”

Your roommate shook their head, then stopped, and shrugged. “Nothing I couldn’t handle. The worst part was when she said she would come back.” They laughed, ruffling their hand over their hair.

You growled again, your protective instincts kicking in. You hoped the woman _did_ come back, because you certainly had some things to say to her. “Don’t worry about that. I’ll take care of it.”

Your roommate grinned gratefully. “Thanks, man. I, uh…I don’t really want to get screamed at again.” Before you could work yourself into a righteous fury over a customer mistreating your employee, they continued, gesturing to the monster now snoring softly against you. “So what are you gonna do about the little terror?”

You crooked your head back so you could get another look at him. He was definitely sleeping, his eyes closed and jaw dropped open softly. Despite his nightmarish appearance, he was still incredibly cute. You smiled softly, stroking the pad of your thumb along his skull once.

He _purred_.

Your heart practically melted.

“I’ll think of something.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hang out over at tellcosy.tumblr.com. Just chillin'. And grillin'. Like a villain.
> 
> I could not be less cool.


	3. Good Morning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're late for work

 

You woke up late with your alarm blaring angrily in your face, as if offended that you dared to ignore it. You groaned and tapped on your phone’s screen to shut it off, automatically flipping over onto your stomach as you usually did when trying to avoid the morning. 

Before you could flop down, though, a loud growling and a sharp bite on your shoulder kept you flipping until you rolled right off the bed.

“ _—fakshiackgod—_ ” spewed from your mouth, no word fully forming as you banged the back of your head against the bedside table.

“ _Uh_?! _Wussat_?” Your roommate’s startled cry accompanied their head shooting up from the pillow on the other side of the bed. They looked around the room with unfocused, narrow eyes, their hair sticking up all over. They finally spotted you crumpled on the floor, one of your legs still propped against the mattress. “Boss? What’cha doin’ down on the floor?”

You glared blurrily up at them with a hand up to your head. “I dunno. I think something bit me, though.”

Your roommate blinked slowly, one of their lids lowering slower than the other. “Bit…?” they repeated sleepily, before their eyes shot wide open, startling you. “Pumpkin!”

Your heart leapt into your mouth, and you scrambled onto your knees, searching the bed for the little monster. You had flipped the duvet off onto the floor before you accepted that he must have teleported somewhere in his distress.

You let your head drop to the mattress, feeling like a shit for forgetting about the horror-Sans sleeping on you. “He’s gone. Pr’b’ly hiding somewhere.” You rolled your head to see your phone jammed between the headboard and mattress, showing you just how late you were for work. “And we have to be at work in an hour.”

You heard your roommate swear and jump up, running for the shower. You sighed.

Looks like you were on monster-finding duty.

You immediately set to searching your entire flat, looking in every nook and cranny as you called the little monster’s name in what you hoped was an apologetic tone. You finally found him sulking in the linen closet, sitting with his arms crossed on a pile of towels. When you opened the door, he growled at you and turned his back.

You couldn’t help but smile at his tiny tantrum.

“Hey, buddy, I’m sorry if I scared you. I was half asleep and I’m not used to sharing my bed.”

Pumpkin was quiet for a few seconds before he turned his head to the side just enough so you could see one of his eyes. It was glowing dimly, but still sharp, so you knew he was paying attention.

You held out your hand to him in a non-threatening way. His eyes flicked from yours down to your fingers and back up again. “If you come out, I’ll get you something nice and bloody for breakfast?” you offered in a soft voice, hoping your memory on this type of Sans wasn’t failing you. Every Sans had some favourite food that was the absolute key to winning him over. It was easy for most normal-type Sanses. Condiments were always a sure bet. But the exotic-type Sanses, like the horror, had slightly different tastes.

This little guy liked blood and raw meats.

At least, you hoped he did.

It was a few more tense moments while you just held your hand completely still for him, watching him for signs of distress. Finally, he seemed to decide that you were worth negotiating with, as he turned and put his hands on yours.

And then _bit your finger_.

You choked as his sharp teeth clamped down on your finger, breaking the skin just enough to cause a drop of blood to appear. His eyes pulsed as he used his magic to make himself a tongue to lap at it.

You laughed, shaking your head. The cut hurt, yes, but you’d been bitten by enough monsters to know when it hadn’t been malicious.

“Silly Sansy,” you chuckled. “ _I’m_ not your breakfast.”

Pumpkin smiled, still licking at your cut.

“Come on, I’ve got a steak in the fridge you can have while I get dressed for work.”

That seemed to get his attention. His eyes flashed eagerly for a moment before he leaned away and winked out of sight. You laughed again, closing the closet door and putting pressure on your fingertip to keep the blood from pooling. You wandered through to the kitchen to find Pumpkin sitting up on top of the fridge, kicking his feet against the door.

“Alright, alright, you impatient little skelly.” You popped yourself and your roommate some toast in as you grabbed the vacuum-packed steak from out of the fridge. You tossed it onto the counter and held your hands up to Pumpkin. He gave you a quick, sceptical look, but still obliged, letting you pick him up under his arms and hold him close to your chest. 

You ‘oof’ed softly at the unexpected weight of him as he kicked, squirming until you let him climb up your chest and onto your shoulder. You didn’t think you’d ever handled a horror-Sans quite his size, before. He was about as big as a small dog or medium-sized cat, and about half as heavy as one, too.

When he grabbed a bit of your hair to hold himself steady, you smiled and glanced over at him. “You want me to fry it up a bit? Don’t have a lot of time, but I can give it a sear at least.”

A quick shake of the head, and another flash of his eyes. He was staring desperately at the steak, as though trying not to leap on it. He was clearly hungry.

Your lips twitched into a frown.

Had that woman actually _fed_ him?

You had to look away before you got angry all over again.

There was no use in getting angry about it _now_ , when you could simply look forward to the woman’s return instead.

And thenyou would tell _her_ exactly what you thought about that.

Ahh, sometimes it paid to be the boss.

As soon as you had the steak cut into thin strips, you reached up to Pumpkin, offering your hand for him to use. But he just blinked down to the counter and descended on the steak after sparing a single glance for you, as if to see if you would object.

You quickly buttered the toast as your roommate burst into the kitchen, barely dressed and hair still dripping. The three of you ate your breakfast together in easy silence, though your mind was abuzz with thoughts of work. You only had a little bit of time left before you absolutely _had_ to get to work, and you had a difficult decision to make.

Leave Pumpkin at home, or take him with you?

On the one hand, he was still technically the property of the woman who had bought him, even though she had abandoned him at the store.

On the other hand, it was plain and clear in the adoption contract that if abuse was suspected or reported, the ownership of the monster reverted back to the store or its original owner.

And you strongly suspected.

You watched Pumpkin eating with abandon, tearing into the strips of meat like they were his prey that he had hunted down himself.

You smiled faintly.

You really should leave him at home. You didn’t want to even take the chance that the woman would somehow get ahold of him and run. Or that she could somehow sneak him away when your back was turned.

You had lost a couple monsters that way, and you thought about them still. You had done all you could to track the monsters down, but most of the time they had simply disappeared. You always hoped the thieves had just been too poor to afford the store prices, and that they would take care of the monsters as they should be. But you weren’t naive. You knew the monsters were valuable. You knew there was a grey market trade for them.

Still, you hoped.

But that didn’t mean you had to take the chance with Pumpkin.

If you could keep one monster from going to the wrong owner and being miserable, you absolutely would break a few rules.

On the other, _other_ hand, you didn’t know if you should be making the choice by yourself at all. After all, Pumpkin was one of the higher-class types of monsters. There were some monsters who were closer to animals in their behaviour. But a Sans wasn’t like that at all. More than just sapient, a Sans was _intelligent_.

It felt wrong to you to be making a decision about his life without even asking him.

“Pumpkin,” you started, chewing thoughtfully on your toast. The little monster glanced up at you, his eyes wide. You smiled to let him know you weren’t going to take his food away or tell him to stop. He continued chewing. “I have a question for you, if that’s alright?”

The horror kept chewing, but slowly now, as he regarded you with wary eyes. Finally he ‘swallowed’, the meat disappearing into his ribcage where you knew his soul was housed. “Was that the question?” he asked, speaking slow and soft, though his voice was much deeper than you expected.

You chuckled. “No it wasn’t, you Sassy Susan.”

Pumpkin smiled cheekily, though he turned away as if to hide it. “Go ahead.”

“Do you want to come to work with me or stay here today?”

Pumpkin’s eyes went wide, and he looked at you with open shock. You thought you might have offended him somehow, but before you could apologise, he asked, “Wha—why are you asking _me_?”

You frowned slightly. “Because you have a right to decide what happens to you?”

Pumpkin gripped onto the piece of meat he had hard, his sharp fingers tearing through it. He was staring up at you with those wide, pulsing eyes, and you got the feeling that he was overwhelmed.

“If you don’t want to come with me or stay here, we can figure out something else—” you offered, trying to find a suitable option that would appeal to the quiet little monster.

“Can I come with you?” Pumpkin cut in, his voice sharp with barely contained excitement. “Please?”

You blinked, taken aback by his enthusiasm. You had honestly thought he would want to stay at home. Hoped for it, even. “Uh, yeah of course. I wouldn’t have offered if I didn’t want you to, buddy. You’ll have to promise to keep out of trouble, though.”

Pumpkin was nodding. “You won’t even hear me. Promise.”

You narrowed your eyes at him playfully. “That wasn’t what I said, Mister, and you know it.” When the only response you got was another mischievous smile, you shrugged. “As long as you don’t break anything.”

“Monster’s honour.”

Your roommate looked between you two, having witnessed the whole conversation in complete silence. An absolute miracle for them. You raised an eyebrow in their direction, and they held up their butter-covered hands. “No complaints from me, Boss. I trust the little guy not to wreck the place. He waited for me to clean up just fine last night.”

You hummed softly. “Alright. Lemme get dressed, then, and we’ll get going.” You smiled at Pumpkin and, feeling playful and a little brave, reached over and booped him on his nasal bone. He gaped at you, his brow ridges raising high. “But first, you gotta finish your breakfast, Pumpkin. Eat up.”

Just as rounded the corner of the kitchen doorway, you heard Pumpkin’s soft reply.

“Okay, Boss.”

You stopped in your tracks, your heart skipping with the adorableness of hearing your nickname coming from the little monster. You had to stop yourself from going back into the kitchen and snuggling Pumpkin all day instead of going to work.

Because you couldn’t skip out on work today, of all days. You _had_ to go. 

There was a customer you were dying to see.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feel free to mentally replace the word 'Boss' at the end there with 'Mom', 'Dad', 'Butthead' or whatever you find cutest~ 
> 
> \°w°/
> 
> I roll around screaming about how cute Pumpkin is over at tellcosy.tumblr.com
> 
> Feel freee to visit any time you like!


	4. The Customer is Always Right

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nooo they aren't.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ba-ba-ba-ba-baaa fanart tiiiime!
> 
>  
> 
> [ Pumpkin Times by letsallbecalmchaps ](http://letsallbecalmchaps.tumblr.com/post/144106837431/fanart-for-the-fic-monsters-should-be-cute-on-ao3)
> 
>  
> 
> Go give love and support to the artist if you like their art! =O THEY ARE VERY COOL FOR DOING COOL ARTS AAAH
> 
> Also--
> 
> -screams with everyone about how cute Pumpkin is, flapping her hands around wildly- But for real, I'm sorry I didn't get to answering a lot of your comments. I absolutely adore every single one of you, and I'm glad you're enjoying this! It's just been a pretty hectic time. It should return to regularly-scheduled one-on-one scream-fests from here, friendos. -fist bump, ba-da-la-da-la-da-la-
> 
> Enjoy!

 

The worker and their boss were ten minutes late to open the store in the mall, and it really set the mood for the rest of the day, they thought.

There were people already waiting outside the store by the time they got the gate opened. Some of them looked happy to see Boss, waving as they ducked under the raising metal barrier. Some of them didn’t even seem to notice they’d been waiting, choosing instead to tap away on their phones. But there were the requisite few who acted as though their entire day was ruined by the store opening a little late that morning. They tutted and tsked as they walked past the worker, muttering about how if there were _two of them working_ , how had they not managed to open on time?

Underling just ignored them. People would always be people, no matter what they did. They hadn’t opened late for years—this morning being such a rare situation that really couldn’t be ignored in favour of customer service—but it wasn’t like they cared about that. They just wanted a reason to grouse.

Pumpkin watched them all shuffling in from his high perch on the shelves of pet supplies, his eyes aglow with interest. He had his legs crossed, back in the outfit he had arrived from the woman with. He hadn’t been very comfortable in the doll’s clothes Underling had dressed him in for bed, but he hadn’t made a fuss.

Or much of one, at least.

They’d only gotten a _few_ bites.

Since Boss had given the worker orders to keep their eye on Pumpkin while taking care of the shelving, they found themselves not minding work so much that day. He kept making them smile as they watched him watching the customers, his natural curiosity warring with his wariness and obviously winning. He would practically stalk certain people, crawling or scooting along the shelves when someone had caught his eye. Underling was glad most people didn’t think to look up even when shopping, otherwise they might have gotten a nasty shock when faced with Pumpkin looming over them.

The only time someone nearly _had_ caught him was near the end of the day, and it had only been because of their baby. The little boy’s wide eyes had immediately found the little monster’s equally wide, curious eyes, and he kept pointing and laughing at Pumpkin as he peered over the edge of the shelf at him. The mother pushing the pram hadn’t been able to stop her own laughter as she tried to figure out what her baby was giggling so wildly about. She’d shared a look with Underling before shrugging and laughing about how kids were so weird sometimes.

They had laughed politely with her, thinking how true that was.

How could a grown woman like the Shrieking Shrew from the night before not understand the cuteness of a monster like Pumpkin, but a baby could?

So weird.

After that, they decided to leave Pumpkin to his own business as they worked, considering he had behaved himself so well even around a child. But as soon as they turned their back to him, they heard a loud, angry scream and a crash from the other side of the store. They shot up straight, their eyes immediately looking for the telltale red glow of Pumpkin’s eyes. He wasn’t anywhere in their immediate sight, though, and their stomach dropped as they heard a familiar voice.

“Mr. Spookums, come here! Get down from there right now! I’m taking you home this instant!”

Ugh.

Really?

Did that gross woman really have to come in _now_ of all times?

The boss was going to kill them for letting Pumpkin out of their sight.

They sighed, dropping the cardboard box of fish food back to the floor and scooping up their step-stool, trudging down the aisle as though they were headed to their own funeral. They heard several yelps and shouts and then the boss’s voice rising over the furore with,

“Ma’am, if you don’t come down from there right now, I’ll have to call security.”

Boss’s voice sounded calm on the surface, still, but Underling was one-hundred-percent certain they had had _enough_ already. They kind of felt bad for the woman when they thought of how close the boss was to ripping into her. They wondered what exactly the woman was even doing to be told to…come down?

Then they emerged from behind the aisle’s tall shelves to get a clear view of the situation, and had to bite back a snort of laughter.

Hah! 

What? 

Seriously?

She was clinging onto the wall, her feet tucked into the space between the aquariums and the permanent shelving. She had obviously attempted to climb up for some reason, and gotten stuck. Her velour tracksuit—looking practically identical to the one she’d been wearing the night before—was riding both up and down in the exact wrong places. She was squealing in fear, her nails scraping against the metal shelves as she almost lost her footing. Wincing, Underling glanced upwards, and sure enough, Pumpkin was sitting there at the top of the shelves, dangling his booted feet in an almost teasing way. He was leaning forward, his elbows resting on his knees as he watched the woman struggle. 

He was _smiling_.

Underling burst into laughter, dropping their step stool with a loud clatter.

Boss immediately threw them a glare, arms crossed over their chest.

They only laughed harder, bending backwards slightly with the force of it, their hands on their stomach.

“Could you not?” the boss grumbled to their worker as the other customers gathered around started chuckling nervously as well. “I need you to grab Pumpkin and watch the till.”

The woman made a sound like a crow falling into a pond as her high-heeled shoe fell off when she tried to make a grab for Pumpkin’s leg. He just chuckled and lifted his feet out of her reach before lowering them back down after she got her grip back.

“Stop doing that, you horrible monster! Come down here _right now_ so we can go _home_!” the woman cried, her face twisted angrily.

Still laughing uproariously, Underling bent over suddenly, slapping their thighs with mirth. Boss just watched them with a flat look, waiting for them to stop. Finally, they got themselves under control enough to throw their boss a little salute and hop over to where the woman was flailing her naked foot, squalling and demanding the manager. 

Underling, still snickering to themself, ignored the woman’s complaints and held their hands up to Pumpkin. “Hey, buddy, let’s get outta here before you make any more mischief than you already have.”

Pumpkin shot the woman one more superior look before scooting off the shelf and falling into Underling’s arms. They huffed softly with the sudden weight of him, holding him up to their shoulder so he could perch if he wanted. He decided to straddle the back of their neck in a sort of piggy-back instead, holding onto their hair for support.

“What are you doing? Give me him right—now—!” The woman was struggling to climb back down the shelves as Underling backed away from her, their eyes narrowed with barely restrained amusement. She yelped as she almost fell. “He’s _mine_ —I bought him, so he belongs to _me_! You can’t—” Another slip. “—just—” Her hand slipped this time, and she screamed as she toppled down off of the shelves, landing hard on her bottom, scattering boxes off of the shelving as she went.

Underling felt a soft heel-kick at their collar bone, and Pumpkin’s voice mumbled next to their ear,

“Giddy up.”

With a smile and a gentle flick against his bony leg, Underling nodded and said to Boss, “We’ve got the till. Take your time.”

Boss nodded as Underling walked around the gathered crowd, smiling back at them as they cooed at the cute, but scary-faced monster.

“What are you doing? Don’t walk away with my _property_!” The woman shouted, glaring at Underling as they spared a look over their shoulder at her. 

They stuck their tongue out at her.

“I’m sorry, ma’am, but I’m afraid he’s not your _property_ at all,” Boss cut in, their voice holding back barely concealed anger. When Underling got behind the counter, they felt Pumpkin lean around their head to watch what was happening. “He never was.”

“And who are _you_ to tell _me_ what I do or don’t own?” the woman spat, leaping to her feet, standing lopsided and angry in the face of of Boss’s serious, neutral expression. “I paid _good_ money for that dumb monster, and if I tell you to give him back, then you _have to_! I’m a paying customer! You can’t rightfully take what’s mine!”

“Once again, ma’am, you were warned that there were no returns on that specific type of monster, and yet you tried it anyway.” Boss seemed to grow taller with every biting word they spoke, and Underling knew their eyes would be fiery with indignant rage. “You tried to _abandon_ a monster in our store last night, knowing fully well what the consequences of your actions would be. You were warned. Several times.”

The crowd of regulars gasped softly. Everyone—not just those who were in the know about monster anatomy and physiology—knew how horrible abandoning a monster was. Ever since monster rights activists had begun lobbying for the ethical treatment of every monster, no matter the class or type, people were more knowledgeable about how a monster’s HOPE was affected by something like abandonment. There had been several interviews with monster specialists who had been quick to confirm that abandonment by a monster’s human could potentially drain a monster’s HP completely, depending on the bond.

Luckily for Pumpkin, there hadn’t seemed to be any bonding between him and the woman whatsoever.

In fact, when Underling glanced back at him, he seemed downright _ecstatic_ to see the woman getting dragged through the mud in front of everyone.

“I—I—” the woman stuttered, looking between Underling and their boss with wild eyes. “I wasn’t _trying_ to abandon him! How _dare_ you suggest that? I was trying to get a refund! Because he isn’t a right fit for my family!”

“That’s pretty interesting you should say that, considering how you reassured me _several times_ that he was going to be a ‘perfect fit for your family!’” Boss snapped, their patience clearly near its end. Underling saw movement out of the corner of their eye, and realised there was a security guard at the store’s entrance, her eyes on them. She raised her eyebrows in question, and Underling just gave a little wave to let her know that Boss had it under control. She smiled, but stayed put anyway. She’d known Boss for a long time, and had only seen her lose her temper a couple of times.

It truly was a sight to behold.

The woman had been going redder and redder in the face as Boss spoke, but she tried to cover it up with self-righteousness the moment they stopped. “Well how was I supposed to know how _horrible_ he would be?!”

“The clue’s in the name.”

Everyone swung around to stare at Pumpkin as he spoke, and Underling grinned at the looks on their faces. Underling shrugged.

“He has a point,” they said conversationally. “He _is_ a _horror_ -Sans.”

Everyone stared for another moment before the woman sputtered. “Wh-what does _that_ have to do with anything? Just because he looks like that doesn’t mean he has to _act_ that way! He should try acting more like the other monsters I turned down to pick _him_! He isn’t cute at all!”

“You’re one to talk, lady.”

Underling had to try _very hard_ not to laugh at Pumpkin’s words.

The woman gave him an absolute Death Glare.

“Regardless of whether or not he acts as you think he should,” Boss began, clearly trying to corral the conversation back to its original purpose. “The fact remains that you broke the terms of the contract you signed by attempting to return him. Therefore, the _ownership_ , such as it is, reverts to his previous handler. Which is us. So no, ma’am, I am _not_ going to ‘give him back’ just because you think you’re entitled to him. If you would like store credit to try for another, more suitable monster for your family, I would be willing to try that. Only on the proviso that you can prove to me without a doubt that you won’t simply do the same to the next monster you bring home.” 

Boss’s voice had been steadily getting more and more stern, more inflexible as they spoke, but when they continued after a pause, it had become deadly sharp. “But I am not giving that monster back to you—not today, not _ever_.”

The woman’s jaw had dropped as Boss spoke in such a direct, unwavering tone to her. After a few seconds of uncomfortable silence in the store, she swayed as though unsure of what to do with herself, her eyes darting between everyone gathered. Finally, she seemed to muster enough courage to say, “Y-you can’t just _take_ something I paid for, though. That’s _stealing_! I want—I want to speak to the store manager!”

“Yo,” Underling said, holding up a hand from where they leaned against the counter.

The woman’s eyes bugged out of their sockets. “Not _you_! The _manager_!”

“They _are_ the store manager, ma’am.”

The woman visibly gulped at Boss’s words.

“F-fine! Then the regional manager!”

“That would be _me_ ,” Boss said, their voice dull.

She did not look happy with that information.

Not one bit.

“The _store owner_!” she growled in the most unthreatening way possible.

“Also. Me.”

Underling was absolutely positive that Boss was enjoying this.

They knew they were.

And considering they could hear Pumpkin’s deep, dark laughter against their ear, they figured he was, too.

“ _Then I’ll tell the police_!” the woman shrieked, stomping her high-heeled foot. “You’re _stealing_ from me by not offering a—”

“Ma’am, I am going to be very direct with you right now, and I want you to listen very carefully to what I’m saying,” Boss interrupted her, effectively shutting up her rant mid-sentence. “You do _not_ want to involve the police. Because to be perfectly frank with you, you _will not_ like what happens. Considering the recent bills passed to protect against monster abuse, you really don’t want the police looking too closely at how you treated that monster while he was in your brief care.” Boss’s stance was wide and tall, and the woman seemed to shrink in on herself. “Unless you _want_ me to go on record with them stating how hungry, clingy, and tired he was when he was brought back into my care.”

“I—”

“Because believe me,” Boss said in a very low, ominous voice. “ _I would love to_.”

The woman stood her ground for only a handful of moments before she snatched up her fallen shoe and simply stormed out of the store, her face like a thunderhead.

“Have a nice day!” Underling and Pumpkin called after her simultaneously.

Both Boss and the security guard watched her go, their faces equally dark. Underling could tell that that could have ended much worse than it had, and they were grateful it had been resolved somewhat peacefully. Thanks to Boss.

It made them happy to be their worker.

“Well!” one of the regular customers, a kind, elderly man, sighed after a few moments of tense, awkward silence. “Guess that was one customer who wasn’t right!”

Everyone laughed, and the tension in the store cleared in an instant. The security guard nodded and waved to Boss—which they returned with a small smile—before heading back out to the mall proper. The other customers simply continued their shop as though nothing had happened, all chatting happily to themselves.

Underling smiled, glad to be amongst such chill people.

Then Boss turned to them with a severe look, and they felt their sins weighing on their neck.

Oh, wait, no—that was just Pumpkin climbing down.

“Underling,” Boss said ominously, walking over to the till and leaning over it to get close to their face. “You _failed_ to complete your mission. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars.”

Underling groaned, though they still smiled. “Hey, I tried. Also, stop mixing your metaphors.”

“References.”

“Whatever. Stop mixing them.”

“How about I stop mixing them when _you_ actually do your job?”

“Well, how am I supposed to focus on my job when you’re so distractingly sexy?”

Boss gave them a _look_.

“Okay, sorry Boss,” they said, lowering their head in mock-penitence.

“You’re forgiven, my child,” Boss said in a mockery of a British accent, patting Underling’s head magnanimously. Pumpkin slid down from their shoulder to the counter and looked up at Boss with big eyes, and they smiled down at him. “Hey, Pumpkin. You alright after all that nonsense?”

Pumpkin nodded, keeping silent still.

“You sure?”

He just nodded again, though he looked away after that, as though a thought had occurred to him.

“I don’t believe you.” Boss gave him a little poke on his chest, and he gave them a playful growl. “Come on, buddy, tell me what’s up.”

Pumpkin was quiet for a couple of seconds before he tucked his hands in his trouser pockets and lowered his jaw until it was covered by the high collar of his jacket. When he spoke, it was slightly muffled, but it was clear that he was still feeling insecure. “It’s—nothing, really. It’s just—when you told her that you’re my owner now…” He glanced up at Boss with nervous eyes. “Does that mean I have to go back to the store?”

When Underling glanced up at Boss, and they both shared a quick look, they thought that Boss looked like someone had told them their puppy had been stolen. Underling raised their eyebrows at Boss, and they had a quick nonverbal conversation about what they were both considering, consisting mainly of eyebrow lifts, head tilts, and glances at Pumpkin. After  they both realised they were in agreement with each other, Boss crouched down enough to get on Pumpkin’s eye-level, which didn’t require much, considering his height. They took a deep breath before saying,

“Actually, Pumpkin, I was… _thinking_ —wondering, really—if, uh…if you wouldn’t mind if _we_ —” Boss chewed at their lip, glancing up at Underling again. “If we adopted you?”

Pumpkin went completely still, his eye-lights dimming nearly to black.

Boss and Underling exchanged a worried look before Boss began stuttering out, “H-hey, buddy, don’t worry, if you don’t _like_ us or something, that’s fine too! W-we won’t mind if you would rather just stay with us while we find you another home o-or something, you know? We just want you to be _happy_ —”

“Boss.”

At Pumpkin’s small, deep voice, Boss cut their rambles off, eyes wide with nervousness. 

“Y-yeah, buddy?”

There was another moment of tense silence before Pumpkin looked up suddenly, his eyes bright—brighter than they had ever been before.

He was smiling.

“Take me _home_.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HNNNNNGH MAH HEARTO
> 
> Yer a Tumblr, Harry.
> 
> No he's not, I AM.
> 
> Or I have one, at least.
> 
> tellcosy.tumblr.com


	5. Cancellation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Living with Pumpkin can be a challenge

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> FANNNNNNARRRRRRRT WHOOOAAAAAAAAAAAH
> 
>  
> 
> [ Chapter 4 Fanart by letsallbecalmchaps ](http://letsallbecalmchaps.tumblr.com/post/144111394956/fanart-for-chapter-4-of-monsters-should-be-cute-on)
> 
>  
> 
> Go give them love because LOOK HOW CUTE PUMPKIN IS. -slaps table-
> 
> Also, the tenses in this chapter made me have a heart attack of stress. I hope it was worth it.
> 
> Love yoooou guuuys

 

 

Living with Pumpkin turned out to be much easier—and harder—than you had planned for.

It took him a few days to get fully settled in to your flat, but once he did, it was like he’d never _not_ lived with you and Underling. He went with you to the store in the mall most days, keeping hidden from sight so you didn’t have to worry about someone trying to take him. You knew he could protect himself with those teeth of his. Still, there were plenty of people like you, who had lots of experience with rougher monsters and wouldn’t be fazed by a bite whatsoever. So he kept to the shadows.

For the first week, he stayed mostly on his perch on top of the shelving, enjoying the high vantage point and the opportunity to make mischief by toppling products while customers weren’t looking. You always joked with the spooked customers about how you might be haunted now, ringing them up with a smile and then sending a scowl Pumpkin’s way as they left.

He only ever smiled back, and teleported away to make mischief elsewhere.

Truthfully, you didn’t mind much. It kept Underling from being their naturally lazy self, having to chase after him all day. Not to mention how happy Pumpkin was by the end of each day, seeing how many people he’d managed to genuinely startle and even scare. He always sat on your shoulder and told you all about it as you walked to the bus or metro station, clinging to your hair the whole way. You had offered to get him a monster carrier, since he was definitely big enough for one. But he just shook his head and said he liked being up so high.

You were nervous about him falling off, though, so you ended up meeting him halfway and began wearing large infinity scarves. That way, he could hook it around himself and be a bit more secure, while still being able to see.

He had grumbled slightly at first, but once you surprised him with bone- and skeleton-print scarves, he lightened up about it. He even seemed to enjoy it once he realised he could easily take a nap cradled in them.

You were especially glad you’d thought of the scarf by the time you arrived to work at the beginning of the second week, though. The contractors you had hired to refit the mall store with extra housing for monsters had arrived to measure everything. So while they shifted the entire store around in a way that people could still shop while they did their job, Pumpkin obviously couldn’t have any of his fun.

He was not happy with that, to say the least.

To distract him from the fact that he had to hang out with you all day instead, you ended up chatting with him more than usual. Normally you would respect his stoicism—appreciate it, really—but once he got too fidgety and annoyed with sitting silently on the checkout counter while you helped customers, you knew you had to do something. You settled on scooping him up, plopping him on your shoulder and taking over from Underling as they did some re-shelving. They happily switched with you, dusting their hands off and whistling as they moved to the till.

You immediately took the chance to ask him some questions about, well, _him_. 

He was surprised at first, saying that no one had ever bothered to ask him anything like this, but he soon loosened up and got into talking about himself. He told you everything from his favourite food (the steak chilli Underling made him, which you were ridiculously pleased to hear) to the fact that he used to have two brothers, but they were both adopted before him. 

That surprised you into silence. You knew about Papyrus, of course—every Sans had a Papyrus. Usually they were adopted together, as the brothers were so close. Some of them definitely were not. Most Fell-type were better off being adopted separately, as at the very best, the Papyrus would bully his Sans. At worst, well…

It was just best not to adopt them together.

True, there wasn’t very much information on Pumpkin’s Papyrus. You’d checked as soon as he settled in, to see if you could adopt his brother at the same time. The horror type of monsters was rare in general, and for some reason, the Papyruses were always rarer than the Sanses. 

Consequently, you hadn’t been able to find a single one within drivable distance. You’d even asked a few of your slightly-less-than-legal friends if they’d heard anything about a horror Papyrus for sale anywhere. The only ones they knew of were already adopted, though. You’d made a note to yourself to ask Pumpkin if he wanted to go meet them and see if they were his brother, but you’d held back, unsure how their relationship had been.

It was always difficult to know, with horror types.

But now that you saw how he spoke of his brother with such fondness and regret, as though he missed him dearly, you made a mental note to ask him about it later.

As for his _other_ brother?

You’d had no idea.

You asked him since when had he had _two_ brothers, and he responded with a side-long, sarcastic look and an ‘Always’, as though you asked him something incredibly stupid. You had to just shake your head and ask him to describe him, because for the life of you, you couldn’t remember hearing or reading about this brother. Apparently his name was Wingdings, and he had been adopted by a scientist, which was great, because W.D. capital-l Loved science. 

Sans had been happy for his brother, but once it became obvious that he wasn’t going to be able to go visit him anymore, he’d been much less so.

And then Papyrus had been adopted out without him, as well, and no matter how either of them begged to be sold together, they were separated in the end.

Pumpkin had been alone for a long time after that.

So long that he’d begun to hate the sight of the humans that came and goggled and pointed, their faces twisting with fear or disgust. He’d begun to think that he would rather be a stray monster than end up with a human like one of them.

Until you took him in, in your other store.

Without further provocation, Pumpkin ended up mumbling somewhat embarrassedly to you from his perch about how he’d watched you take care of the other monsters, in that store. He’d hoped for a long time that you would take special notice of him, like you did sometimes with certain monsters. Despite his previous dislike of humans, he’d ended up thinking that you wouldn’t be so bad to live with. That maybe he would even…like it. You’d always treated him especially nice, he’d thought, and had wondered if it was because you, well…liked _him_ , too.

He’d practically whispered the last words, his face ducking down into his high collar as he’d refused to look at you. You stared at him with mouth agape, knowing you weren’t making his discomfort any better, but unable to stop.

You’d never expected him to tell you something like that. He was a very _reserved_ monster most of the time, so you’d expected that if he ever wanted to bond with you fully, it would be over a long period of time, and without any fuss or large displays of affection. You had been perfectly happy with the thought of him taking his time, not wanting him to rush into anything he wasn’t happy with.

It looked like that wasn’t going to be a problem.

You smiled after a few moments and, without any warning, leaned in to press a kiss to the side of his skull.

He just gave you a loud grumble and wiped the chapstick from his head while also unable to keep the smile fully off his face.

After that, he began to loosen up even more around the two of you. Instead of spending so much time exploring your flat or hiding away, Pumpkin began to say that he’d rather hang out with you. You usually ended up just watching bad movies or TV, letting Pumpkin choose whatever he wanted.

Because of that, there were now several dozen pictures on Underling’s phone of you and Pumpkin cuddled up together on the couch in front of the TV, both having fallen asleep while watching late-night horror films.

Both you and Pumpkin had threatened to delete them if you ever got your hands on Underling’s phone, but their only response was to giggle manically and whoop away into their room.

What a donkus.

Still, you were glad for their boundless energy, once the actual construction began on the store in the mall. Pumpkin did _not_ like the sound of the drills and power saws, and kept threatening to blast them away. You had to juggle your attention between your customers and him, sometimes having to stop in the middle of ringing up a customer’s items to chase after and snatch away Pumpkin just before his little summoned blasters could do any real damage to the expensive tools.

He would grumble every single time, his eyes narrowed at the builders dangerously as you dragged him back to the front and told him firmly to _stay put_.

He never did.

By lunchtime on the Friday of the second week, you were so ready for the construction to be done that you ended up locked in your office and glaring down at your pathetic cheese sandwich as though it had personally insulted you. You could still hear the hammering and laughter of the builders as Underling chased after Pumpkin, obviously trying to coax him back to his little seat on the front counter. Despite your pounding headache and your sour mood, your lips still tugged up at the corners.

Dammit.

You were trying to be grumpy.

With a sigh of defeat, you tossed your sandwich down and leaned back in the plastic chair that wobbled every time you moved. The smell of the paint and wood shavings was making the sandwich taste weird. You would just have to wait until dinner to eat. That was fine; you’d ended up eating a huge breakfast with Pumpkin that morning when you realised an entire family pack of bacon was about to go off and had to be cooked up. Underling had spent the morning cooking up an amazing breakfast to go with it instead of the lunch they usually made for you, so you’d had to grab a sandwich from the store next door.

Oh well. 

Maybe one of the builders were hungry?

You stood up to open the door and ask if anyone out there wanted your shitty lunch when your phone began buzzing wildly in your pocket.

You retrieved it and peered down at the ID, your eyes slightly unfocused due to your headache. What the—why would John from the adoption agency be calling you now?

You answered the call with a tired, “Hello?”

“Heya, Boss!”

You frowned at the nickname, pinching the bridge of your nose. “Since when am I _your_ boss?”

“Aren’t you everyone’s boss?” John paused to laugh, his deep, jolly voice rumbling happily at his own joke. “Anyway, I just wanted to tell you that if you’re still in the market to adopt that not-so-little Sans of yours, I just had a cancellation for this afternoon. 2:30. You think you two can make it?”

Your heart thumped with sudden excitement, your mind whirring and stuttering as you tried to think if you had any reason not to jump at the opportunity. You would kind of be shafting Underling by leaving them all alone on a Friday afternoon, but you could always bribe them with a day off later. You’d put your name down on the waiting list to file all the necessary paperwork to make Pumpkin’s adoption official almost as soon as he’d agreed to stay with you. You’d been offered a chance to jump the queue, so to speak, as they were practically your coworkers, with how much you dealt with them. But you’d declined, saying that the extra time would give Pumpkin the chance to see if he was really happy.

But now? Knowing what you knew about how he’d wanted you to adopt him for a long time, and with how well he fit in your little ragtag ‘family’…

You figured, why the hell not.

“Put us down for it. If we can’t make it, I’ll give you a ring, but otherwise, we’ll see you at 2:30.”

“Excellent!” John exclaimed, and you heard the sound of fingers tapping on a keyboard. “See you then, Boss.”

“See you, John.”

You hung up, staring down at your phone with a slight numbness creeping over you. You blinked slowly, your thumb hovering over your phone’s home screen. It was 12:30 now. You had two hours to tell Pumpkin about the call, get him a nice outfit so he wouldn’t look scruffy for his ID picture, and drive to the adoption agency—

Your brain stuttered again on the thought.

The _adoption_.

You were going to officially adopt Pumpkin in a couple of hours!

Your face broke out in a sudden smile and you turned to the door with a quick intake of breath. You twisted the lock and flung it open with a loud shout of,

“Puuumpkin!”

You were faced with the wide, surprised— _guilty_ —eyes of both Underling and Pumpkin as they stopped what they were doing and immediately spun to face you, their hands behind their backs.

“Nothing!” Underling shouted back.

“We didn’t do it!” Pumpkin added quickly.

Your eyes narrowed for a brief second before you flapped your hands, saying, “Forget that, I don’t care what you destroyed! Pumpkin, c’mere, I gotta tell you something.”

Both Underling and Pumpkin trotted over to you, and you sighed and checked to see if there were any customers anywhere near the exit. No, nobody wanted seeing to, and no one would dare steal anymore when Pumpkin was prowling about. You turned back to the two of them, your smile returning in an instant. “John from the agency just called. He had a cancellation.”

Underling gasped excitedly, but Pumpkin just raised his brows. “So?”

Your heart clenched with a tiny, tiny moment of doubt, wondering if he really did want to be adopted, but you decided not to jump to any conclusions. “He…offered it to us?” you tried to explain in a way that wasn’t just plain shouting it out happily, your hands making a scooping motion in the air to suggest he finish the thought himself.

It took him only another second before his face practically lit up, showing his understanding. He looked between you and Underling. “You mean, right now?”

“At two-thirty, but yeah,” you said, grinning down at him. You bent slightly and offered your hands  to him to pick him up. “If you want to do this, still, we have the appointment.”

Instead of answering, Pumpkin’s eyes just opened wide, and he teleported straight to your shoulder, wrapping himself in your scarf to get secure. You laughed and stood up again, holding a hand on his other side as you looked to Underling, who was practically vibrating with excitement.

“Hey, sorry to leave you all alone—”

“Ohmygod, just go! I don’t care about that, other than it means that I won’t be able to go too!” they rambled, taking your hand and hopping slightly in front of you. Your smile grew again, and you freed your hand, clapping them on the shoulder lightly.

“Thanks, Underling. You’re the best.”

“You bet your ass I am. See you at home, Boss.”

You laughed again and grabbed your stuff, careful not to jostle Pumpkin too much as you dashed from the store. You made your way across the mall to the department store and headed straight for the baby clothes section, rifling through it as quick as you could to find absolutely anything that would fit Pumpkin well enough for a single picture. You had to battle against Pumpkin himself, though, as he had almost immediately figured out what you were planning on.

“I’m not wearing that, Boss,” he stated in a flat voice, pointing down at the tuxedo-printed onesie you were eyeing up.

“That’s alright,” you said without hesitation, your voice barely above a mumble as you considered your options. “Because I wasn’t going to buy that anyway.” You made a quick decision and snatched up a long-sleeve button-down shirt that had an attached bow-tie and pair of suspenders. There was a pair of matching trousers that definitely would not fit Pumpkin’s slim hips, but you grabbed them anyway, thinking that you would be able to alter them later. 

“ _This_ is what you’re wearing.”

“I’m not wearing that either,” Pumpkin complained, kicking at you lightly when you ignored him and headed to the checkout anyway. “Boss, come _on_. I’ll look like an asshole.”

The worker behind the counter froze in the middle of ringing you up when they heard Pumpkin’s complaints. Their lips were twitching upwards, and you could tell they wanted to laugh so, _so_ badly. You flicked Pumpkin’s shoes so he’d stop kicking you with his heels. “Language, buddy. There are kids around.”

Pumpkin glanced around to see that there were, indeed, children waiting behind you in line, with their mothers staring openly at the two of you. You smiled apologetically and paid for the clothes as Pumpkin stared down at the kids, his eyes wide as he ducked down into his collar. The kids all giggled at that, and he muttered a quick, “Sorry,” to the parents when you slid past them on your way out.

None of them responded, all too busy gaping to take any notice.

You tried to ignore their reactions to Pumpkin so you wouldn’t get into a bad mood again. You were pleasantly surprised when Pumpkin himself helped  with only a little “Weirdos,” whispered under his breath as you climbed into your car.

You laughed and shook your head as you buckled yourself in, glad you’d chosen to drive that morning. There was no way you’d be able to make it across town in time if you had to take a bus, and the metro didn’t go near the office. You were tense the whole drive there, as you always were when you drove with Pumpkin in the car. He refused to get buckled in, saying that he was perfectly safe on your shoulder, and it made you so _nervous_.

You both arrived in one piece, though, thankfully, and even found a decent parking space. As soon as you’d parked, you scooped him up and plopped him down onto the passenger-side chair, ignoring his protests as you dug for his new outfit. You pulled it out with a little twirl, offering it to him with a smile.

He just glared at you with his arms crossed.

Your smile faltered.

“C’mon, Pumpkin, just put it on, please.” He shook his head, and you frowned softly. “You don’t have to wear it for long. Just until after the appointment.” You sighed when his scowl grew. “Please?”

After another couple of seconds of your staring contest, he growled and snatched the shirt from you. You cheered happily as he quickly shrugged off his jacket and undershirt, replacing them with the slightly-too-loose shirt. You had to help him with the buttons when he struggled, and you snapped the suspenders to his trousers to finish off the outfit.

“Heeey, look at you!” you exclaimed, poking him lightly on his sternum to try to tease a smile from him. He gave another growl, but it wasn’t so vicious this time. You tickled under his chin with your fingertips. “You’re just _so darn cute_!” you cooed, laughing when he snatched up your hand with both of his to stop you.

“I am _not cute_ ,” he protested, and proceeded to bite down on the meaty part of your palm, hard enough to make you wince through your laughter.

“Okay, buddy, I’m sorry.” Your laughter trailed off into a smile, and you gave his skull a little stroke when he let you go. “I just got a little overexcited. C’mon, tough guy, let’s get going before you rip me to shreds.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beep boop time for adoption robot to print out adoption receipt beeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEp
> 
> I was picturing a dot matrix printer there, what is wrong with me.
> 
> This tumblr is bananas!
> 
> B-A-N-A-N-A-TUMBLR
> 
> tellcosy.tumblr.com


	6. Adoption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ADOOOOOPTIOOOOOON

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Couple other AUs mentioned in this one, [ Underswap ](http://underswapped.tumblr.com) and Underfell, which for the life of me I can't tell if there is another official blog.
> 
> So TheBindingBird and I were talking about funny things Pumpkin could do, and [ this ](http://scaryskelemama.tumblr.com/image/144400294132) was one of the things we joked about. Of course I had to include it in some way. So I did. xD
> 
> Also forgot to mention that the idea of Pumpkin fitting into a onesie in the first place was inspired by Starblazer talking about it in the comments. Huge thank you for that adorable idea.
> 
> Now on to the adoption!

 

 

“Hey there, Boss!”

 

“Hiya, John,” you responded, waving to the slightly older, portly man sitting at one of the many adoption stations in the back of the center. You’d been waved through by the receptionist after she’d taken a few moments to coo at Pumpkin as he sat in your scarf, pouting about his outfit. It had seemed to cheer him up somewhat, being recognised as vicious-looking, though. He even popped his head out to look over at John as you sat in one of the chairs provided. “How’s Marie?”

 

“She’s doing fantastic, thanks for asking!” John bellowed in his usual, overly-jolly way. He always seemed to have a permanent smile affixed to his face, and you weren’t sure if it was because he was really that happy all the time, or if he had just worked in public service for that long, that it came as second nature to him.

 

You could relate to that. You’d spent over half your life trying to perfect a ‘Working Smile’ that wasn’t mostly grimace. You’d never managed to quite get it right—it was nothing compared to John’s or Underling’s—but you thought it was decent enough to pass. Especially now that you were the boss.

 

“Heeey, there’s the scary fellow himself!” John said, holding his arms out in greeting to Pumpkin, who hopped out onto the thick, white plastic desk and held his hand out to shake. With a chortle, John took the offered hand and shook it delicately. John and Pumpkin had met a couple of weeks before, when you’d come in to put in your application for adoption, and had hit it off almost immediately. It was unsurprising to you—John hit it off with _everyone_ , monster or not. “How’s it been, living with those two lunatics?”

 

While you scoffed at the term, Pumpkin laughed, saying, “It’s good. Better than being in the store, definitely.”

 

“Ahh, but that’s such a low standard!” John said, folding his hands together and resting his chin on them, propping his elbows on his desk. He was roughly at Pumpkin’s eye-level now. “Saying that living in a home is good because it is better than a store is like saying eating spam is good because it is better than dirt.”

 

You scoffed again as Pumpkin snickered, though it was much more playful this time. “Hey, don’t rag on my stores, John. They’re perfectly nice to live in, thank you.”

 

“You only say that because you _have_ before,” John retorted slyly, his eyes narrowed as he smirked.

 

As Pumpkin gaped at you, you shook your head and pointed faux-threateningly. “Only _twice_ , and it was only _overnight_.”

 

“You slept at the store before? When?” Pumpkin asked, curiosity clear in his eyes. “I never saw you sleepin’ there.”

 

“It was before you were brought in, Pumpkin, and it _really_ doesn’t matter. I just…used to overwork myself a bit,” you said, grinning slightly with self-consciousness. It was true; you had fallen asleep two separate times while staying very late at the larger store. Both times you had woken up with a mouth tasting of pain and regret, aching all over and swearing you would never work that late again.

 

You sighed internally. Such a wistful, naïve child you’d been, to think that would be your last late night.

 

At least you’d driven yourself _home_ for all the others, though. There was nothing worse than passing out at a desk in a shitty desk chair that rolled out from underneath you as you slumped too far forward.

 

“And anyway, none of the monsters have ever had a complaint about their housing, thank you very much,” you shot back to John, looking down your nose at him. He just smiled again, and you couldn’t help but smile back. “They’re all perfectly happy.”

 

“It’s true—everyone really loves Boss there,” Pumpkin said, his eyes going bright for a moment as he turned back to John, before dimming somewhat and getting a sharp edge. “Some of them a little _too much_ , in fact.”

 

“Is that so?” John asked, something in his somehow-too-casual tone of voice making you suspicious.

 

Pumpkin nodded. “There was a couple of times I got harassed by another monster just because they caught me, uh…y’know,” he trailed off shyly, not looking in your eyes, and you had to cover up another smile. “Watching you.”

 

“Whaaat,” you said with disbelief, your smile falling somewhat. You didn’t like the idea of Pumpkin getting bullied by the other monsters for _anything_ , much less something so innocent. “Who?”

 

“Uhh,” Pumpkin said, fiddling with his suspenders as he looked even further away from you. “There was, uh…a Blueberry. A—a Swap Sans.” You nodded your understanding even though he wasn’t looking. It was pretty surprising to hear that a Blueberry had been mean to Pumpkin, but not completely unfounded. “Uh, a Fell Undyne. B-but she was pretty shitty to everyone.” He paused. “T-there was also a…a _Pure_ Catty and Bratty.”

 

You frowned deeply at the self-conscious way Pumpkin talked about the Pure-types. You knew that the monsters had begun to see themselves as having different ‘purities’ recently, but you weren’t having any of it. You didn’t want bullying in your stores for any reason. “I’ll have a talk with the monsters in that store again.”

 

“No, it’s okay, you don’t hafta do that for me—” Pumpkin said, holding out his hands and waving them in protest.

 

You smiled gently. “It’s _not_ for you, Pumpkin. You don’t have to deal with bullying anymore. It’s for anybody else that might be dealing with it in silence.”

 

Pumpkin seemed to think that over before he nodded, his eyes going fiercely sharp around the edges. “Thanks, Boss. There’s, uh…there’s actually an Alphys who used to get picked on, too.”

 

You hummed. “If you want, you can come with me when I go visit the store, to see if she’s alright.”

 

Pumpkin’s mouth lifted in a wide, bright smile before he seemed to remember that John was there watching, and he coughed, tucking his chin down again. “Uh, yeah. Sure.” He glanced over at John, who still had his chin resting on the back of his hand as he smiled. “So, when do we do the interview?”

 

John sat up and smiled wider, taking a few papers and stapling them together before choosing a stamp and clicking it down onto the box at the bottom of the last page. 

 

“It’s already done!” He laughed when he caught the awed look on Pumpkin’s face, and the unimpressed look on yours. “I don’t really need to hear more than I have. You enjoy living with them, you’ve come along fantastically since I last saw you, and you trust them enough to speak about your past, despite the issues you’ve had.” He tapped at a few keys on his computer, and swivelled the monitor around so you both could see it.

 

“Just need to test your bond, and then you’ll be all official.”

 

You nodded, already holding out your hand for him to take the drop of blood needed. Pumpkin’s brow bones scrunched up with confusion as he watched John prepare the palm-sized analyser. “How does it work?” he asked, peering down at the tiny LED screen that lit up as soon as you slid your index finger inside the hole on one side.

 

“Alright,” John said, ignoring Pumpkin for the moment as he clicked through to the analysis program, which now displayed an outline of a human on one side and a smaller, clawed avatar that was meant to represent a monster on the other side. “Here comes the stab.”

 

You winced as the needle inside the device pricked the pad of your finger. Pumpkin looked between your face and the flashing LED, clearly working out the answer for himself.

 

“Theeere we go—oh, whoops, nope, it messed up. Think the connection between them must be a bit loosey-goosey,” John said, grinning apologetically at you before taking the device and giving it a good whack. He turned a jolly smile to Pumpkin. “Please don’t be mad at me for stabbing your human more than once. It’s all in the name of science, trust me.”

 

Pumpkin laughed, though his eyes still looked a little worried when you sucked on your bleeding fingertip. You smiled past your finger. “Don’t gimme that look, little skelly man. _You’ve_ given me worse than this before.”

 

Pumpkin made a face at you as you cleaned your finger with an alcohol swab and slid your finger back into the machine when John presented it again. No sense in having two wounded fingers. 

 

“Alright, fingers crossed,” John said.

 

You nearly choked with the cuteness when you saw Pumpkin cross his boney fingers.

 

The needle came again, and after another hiss of discomfort from you, John crowed, “Heeey, and there we have it, folks!”

 

Both you and Pumpkin leaned forward slightly to peer at the words appearing on the human side of the screen. Your name, age, ethnicity, and magical marker were all filled in alongside your ID picture and other vital information. Pumpkin glanced over at you with a mischievous spark in his eyes. “I can see why you’re alright with being called Boss, with a name like that.”

 

“Hey, I like my name, you sass-master,” you retorted, poking him in the ribs and getting a goofy laugh in return as he protected his side. You smiled. “You better be careful, or I’ll tell John to put your name down as Snugglebear.”

 

“Still better than Mr. Spookums,” Pumpkin chuckled, finally taking note of the machine John was setting up now, laughing to himself about the two of you. It looked a bit like an old light projector from your childhood, with a large metal box with a glass top and a light source inside. Instead of the projector head, though, it had another metal box that sat parallel to the other, attached by a a thick glass arm and looking almost identical except for how much thinner it was.

 

“Is that…for me?” Pumpkin asked, sounding somewhat nervous. You had to admit it looked kind of intimidating; like something out of a sci-fi movie. It looked like it would teleport someone onto the mothership’s main deck if you asked it to. You were glad you hadn’t needed to use them often in your adoptions. You hated fiddling around with all the specialty bits that were necessary to keep it running smoothly.

 

“It is, Snugglebear,” John said with a cheeky smile as he adjusted the arm of the machine to raise the top box high enough to accommodate Pumpkin. “It’s the best way for us to get a magical signature from you, since you don’t have blood.” 

 

Pumpkin nodded his understanding, peering down at the light coming up from the box. He blinked and leaned away, rubbing at his eyes with a surprised grunt. John and you laughed. “Yeah, I wouldn’t look directly at that if I was you, little man. That’s some high wattage shit, if you’ll pardon my language.” 

 

After another bit of fiddling, he leaned back with satisfaction and said, “Alright, I’m gonna have to ask you to take off your shoes and that fancy shirt of yours so we can get an accurate reading on your soul.”

 

You choked slightly at the vindicated look on Pumpkin’s face, his eyes lit up like a Christmas tree. “Can’t you get his ID picture first?” you protested.

 

But Pumpkin was already literally tearing off the offending piece of clothing with a wide, vicious smile.

 

“Pumpkin, no!” you cried as he tore at the shirt with his claw-like fingers and slapped the shredded remains to the desk as if to make a statement.

 

You half-sighed and half-growled, rolling your eyes at his antics before collecting the shirt and dropping it into your bag. “Little shit,” you muttered affectionately as you pulled out his jacket. He had already kicked off his shoes as well by the time you leaned back up. John was giggling as he started up the monster side of the program, setting it to skeleton, and then Sans.

 

“Go ahead, just hop up on the glass,” John said, gesturing for Pumpkin to stand on the machine. “Watch out, it’ll be cold on your feet.”

 

You watched with more than a little curiosity as Pumpkin stood on the machine and waited patiently as the lights scanned back and forth, much like a printer did when it copied something. You gave him an encouraging smile, and was happy when he returned it. 

 

You could see the glow of his soul from behind the thick bones of his chest-plate, but you couldn’t make out the colours, if any. You hoped he wouldn’t be disappointed, whatever the analysis showed. You didn’t care one bit what the outcome was, but you knew that soul colour meant a lot to monsters. You had no idea what your soul colour would be now; you hadn’t been scanned since you were a teenager. 

 

You could remember sitting in a chair much like this, years and years ago. Your sweet little Red, getting scanned by the much more rudimentary machines you’d had back then. The way his eyes lit up when he saw his grey soul swirled with your red and orange. He’d said that it was ‘badass,’ and that it was like a fire on his soul.

 

You’d loved him so much, and had never really gotten over the loss of him when someone had stolen him from you. You’d searched everywhere for him, feeling the bond grow weaker and weaker over time, not knowing if he would die or simply re-bond with another human. You still thought about him to this day, hoping that he had bonded successfully to someone else. You couldn’t bear the thought of him dying, and even now, you were still incredibly wary about potential monster thieves.

 

You wouldn’t ever let that happen again.

 

“There we go!” John exclaimed, thumping the desk with one of his knuckles and pulling you out of your thoughts. You and Pumpkin shared a quick look as he hopped down, before turning to see the analysis loading up on the screen. “Oh, goodness gracious, would you look at that?”

 

You snorted with disbelief at what you saw, and Pumpkin’s jaw went slack.

 

Green and orange.

 

You could see the words in John’s expression even before he said, “Just like a pumpkin!”

 

You shook your head and laughed, handing Pumpkin his jacket. You were pretty happy to see how excited he looked at the sight of your soul’s colours blending with his grey on the screen. “We aren’t breathing a word of this to Underling, do you hear? They’d _never_ let us live it down.”

 

Pumpkin just grinned.

 

You sighed and shook your head again. 

 

He was going to tell Underling.

 

The rest of the adoption process went quickly after that, with Pumpkin getting his picture taken for the official ID and John finishing off the paperwork and handing over the certificate of adoption with a flourish. Your heart clenched with the sweetness of the sight of Pumpkin taking the certificate with wide, disbelieving eyes, looking down at it for several long moment before shaking John’s offered hand and thanking him solemnly.

 

After gathering all your things and giving John a deeply grateful _thank you_ and a handshake of your own, you swept Pumpkin up and nestled him in his scarf again. John just nodded and waved the both of you off, wishing you luck and reminding you that the ID would be sent in the mail.

 

And then you and Pumpkin were back in the car, buckling up in silence as you tried to process the fact that you were now Pumpkin’s official owner.

 

Your face twisted with displeasure at the automatic use of the word when you thought about how intelligent Pumpkin was. You really didn’t feel like he was your _pet_ at all, but that was how most of the laws referred to monster adoption and bonding. You didn’t like it.

 

“What’s up, Boss?” Pumpkin asked from his spot  on your shoulder. He had refused his own seat again, but you didn’t mind. When you looked over, you saw that he was smiling somewhat nervously. “You aren’t, uh…regretting this, or something, are you?”

 

You smiled back comfortingly, resting a hand at his back, your fingertips bracing his spine. “Don’t be silly, Pumpkin. Of course not. I’m super happy that this is official now. I’m just, uh, thinking about something that didn’t really agree with me.”

 

Pumpkin tucked his head down into his collar and shoved his hands into his pockets, though you could see his pleased smile at your words. “Like what?” he asked as you backed out of your space and began heading home on the highway.

 

“Just the fact that the law still equates monster adoption with pet adoption.” You glanced at your blind spot before merging with traffic almost straight into a full traffic jam. You sighed and tapped your fingers on the wheel as you settled in to wait it out. “I don’t really think of myself as your owner.”

 

There was a long silence that was only broken by a strange thump on the roof of the car that you assumed must be a daring animal taking its chance to cross the highway while there was no traffic. Finally, once the cars in front of you started to inch forward again, Pumpkin hummed thoughtfully.

 

“Well,” he said slowly, as if offering a treat to tempt a stray cat, “if it would make you feel better, you could think of it as _me_ owning _you_.”

 

You snorted and choked with laughter, turning and pressing a quick kiss to Pumpkin’s skull. “Sounds good, buddy.”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The only reaction Underling gives to finding out Boss's soul colours is constant, knee-slapping laughter for several hours.
> 
> Next up: they visit that store and find out they have their own visitor at home.
> 
> 1-2-3-4 tell me do you love my tumblr more
> 
> ...OW.
> 
> tellcosy.tumblr.com


	7. The Visitor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A wild bitty has appeared!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm not even sure if this counts as not being on hiatus anymore, considering the lack of cuteness, but at least there's slapstick!
> 
> We could all use a little more slapstick in our lives
> 
> The naughtiest swear is used here, oh dear, oh dear. 
> 
> Have fun! <3

 

 

When you and Pumpkin got home from visiting the main store, the first thing you saw was Underling batting at the walls with a broom, wearing only a shirt and underwear.

Granted, it was fairly late at night, and they had to open the store tomorrow, but did they really _have_ to?

Your head was already pounding from all the decisions you’d had thrown your way that day, and by the extreme frown on Pumpkin’s face as he tucked his head into your chest, you could tell he was just as grumpy. You sighed and tossed your backpack and keys onto the table, rubbing a temple with narrowed eyes.

“Please tell me there is a good reason you’re trying to bash the walls in this time.”

Underling whirled around with the broom held out like a lance, the bristles scraping you across the face. “HEY, WHOAH,” you bellowed, slapping the head of the broom away with more force than necessary, frowning at your roommate. “No brooming me, you noodle.”

They dropped the broom and held their hands up with an apologetic face. “Sorry, Boss! I promise that won’t happen again,”

“Today,” Pumpkin grumbled, turning fully into you and seeming to go to sleep immediately.

You chuckled wearily, shaking your head as you ran your fingers through your hair, massaging your scalp. You sighed again before turning back to your sheepish roommate. “Don’t worry ‘bout it. What were you _trying_ to do, though?”

Underling straightened up, chewing on their lip with a thoughtful look. “Well, I was just about to get to sleep when I heard scritching in the walls. Scared the shit out of me at first, but after I sat in a circle of salt for about an hour, I figured it was probably just a raccoon or something.” They gestured vaguely to the walls, a hand on their hip. “The internet said I could just bang on them a bunch to scare it out.”

Your face twisted with disbelief as you just watched them for a few moments, your eyes flicking over to where there were still spots of dust clinging to the walls. You opened your mouth to respond, but when no words came to mind, you just closed it again. Underling just studied the wall with a perturbed look, nose scrunched.

It was a long time before you said, “Putting aside the fact that you thought that there was somehow a fully grown _raccoon_ in a wall thin enough to shine a light through—why didn’t you just call animal control?” When Underling stared blankly at you in response, you slumped with a laugh. “What have I told you about listening to the internet’s advice?”

“ _Wullllll_ —” they whined, clearly winding up for a full rant, but you shook your head, still laughing.

“Forget it, dude, let’s just go to bed.”

“Well, but—”

You stopped heading into the hallway and looked back over your shoulder. Underling stood there looking nervously at the wall. You raised your eyebrows, cradling your hand against Pumpkin’s back as he breathed deeply, clearly already asleep.

“What if it’s still creepin’ and peepin’ around here?” they asked, looking around worriedly. “I don’t wanna wake up all alone in my bed and see its beady little eyes and grabby hands hovering an inch from my face, just waiting to steal my nibbles.”

You just blinked, wanting to ask why they had nibbles in their room in the first place, but not really wanting the answer. “It won’t.”

“I mean, how can you really know that for—”

You turned and pushed through the door into your room, ignoring the rest of their argument as they followed you in. You didn’t bother turning the lights on to change—you didn’t need them, and besides, you didn’t want to wake Pumpkin up.

You sloughed off your clothes as you went, moving Pumpkin from the scarf to his usual place on the bed. He didn’t react, other than to flop onto his back and begin snoring, mouth wide open and limbs akimbo. You gave him a brief, tired smile as you pulled on your pyjamas, Underling’s monotonous rambles practically putting you to sleep. It was a wonder you were even awake still, after the day you’d had.

“—and they found a _whole colony of them_ in the walls—”

The moment you were in decently comfortable clothes, you dragged back the covers on your bed and settled in with a quiet sigh of relief. Oh, God, yes, that felt amazing. It was like heaven had stopped by earlier just to drop off a cloud for you to snuggle into, after the day you’d had. 

“—and they had to call the _police_ after someone lost a nipple—”

“Underling.”

“Yeah, Boss?” they asked, immediately interrupting themselves mid-sentence.

You managed to open your eyes wide enough to peer up at them. “Get in bed right now unless _you_ want to lose a nipple.”

They wasted no time, hopping under the covers in their usual position of top-to-toe with you. You resigned yourself to the smell of feet all night. Then again, you didn’t particularly envy them having to be so close to _your_ feet after the day you’d—

“Wow, did you moisturise this morning? Your legs look really shiny.”

Your nose scrunched up as you crooked your head down to give them a Look. They gave you a wide-eyed, curious look back. You sighed and flopped back down, nearly getting an eyeful of toe in the process. Pumpkin was grumbling in his sleep as Underling’s wiggling kept knocking him further and further under the covers, but he still didn’t wake up.

“What did I say? Is it _wrong_ to compliment your boss on their exceptional skincare routine?” they asked quietly, shifting side-to-side until they seemed to finally get comfortable. “‘Cause if that’s what you consider wrong, I don’t want to be right.”

“Could you not just wait until the morning and find out then?” you mumbled, already mostly asleep as your head sank further into your pillow. “Think of it as a reward for actually getting some sleep.”

You felt Underling’s hair shift against your ankle as they nodded, and silence fell over the room. You sighed breathlessly with relief and quickly fell into a light sleep. You dreamed that you had woken up to a raccoon creeping into your room to eat the crumbs off of the floor and you’d beaten it away with a gigantic pasta noodle, only to find out it could talk and was not best pleased with how you had treated it when it was only trying its best to get by in life, and so it chased you out of the window into an enormous swimming pool filled with dirty water.

“Did you have a bad time at the big store, then?”

You jolted awake, your whole body jerking roughly enough to give you vertigo. “Wuhuh?” you grunted, drool sliding down your chin. You grimaced and wiped your sleeve across your face as you looked down at Underling. They threw a concerned look your way before laying their head back down onto their folded arms and repeating the question.

You dragged your hands down your face and fell back onto your pillows, shaking your head to rid yourself of the weird micro-dream you’d had. “Uh, yeah,” you said, talking softly into your hands cupped over your face. You just couldn’t stop thinking about the look that raccoon had given you before chasing you through the house. You sighed and massaged your scalp gently, gnawing at your lip. “We met an unexpected amount of resistance to the plans for the new wing.”

“What? By who?” Underling asked, pointing and relaxing their toes repeatedly.

“The Moreau Foundation, funny enough.”

Underling barked out a laugh, letting one of their arms fall over the side of the bed. “What happened to them only having monsters’ best interests at heart? They scared someone else might come along who’s better at it?”

“Apparently they’re ‘concerned for the efficacy of the expansion’ since we won’t have the new employees to look after the new monsters until a few weeks later than planned,” you groused. “They’re convinced we’ll struggle to properly take care of them in the interim.” You shook your head. “They’re still considering shutting us down until we can prove we’re not going to let them waste away.”

“ _What_?” 

Pumpkin snorted and jerked, his pupils flaring to life as he instinctively chomped down on Underling’s prodding toes. They squawked at each other as you held them both down, shushing Underling. They quieted to a soft whinge as Pumpkin released his crocodile-like clamp on their foot and promptly fell back to sleep, his eyes snuffing out as his snores filled the room once more.

You looked to your roommate with wide eyes before both of you broke out in silent, shaking laughter. You rolled off the bed to grab a bandage for Underling’s tiny but impressive wound. You gave them a grateful nod when they held out their toe for you as you returned. 

There was a brief silence as you dabbed away the beading blood, but then Underling said, “Are they really gonna close us down?”

You scoffed quietly. “No. He wouldn’t dare.”

“He?” they asked, before you saw the light of understanding brighten their face. “Oh, you mean—” they put on their best impression of the whispery, overly-enunciated voice used in the commercials, “‘Frank Moreau, the name you can _trust_.’” 

You rolled your eyes. “Yes, him. The bloated shit,” you cursed, narrowing your eyes at the thought of the CEO of the Moreau Foundation. You weren’t really one to hate people, but by God, did that man specifically test your ability to understand and accept. You took it out on things you could morally allow yourself to hate. 

His smug commercials, touting his foundation’s superior facilities for monsters. His overbearing managers that oversaw your work every tiny step of the way. The easy ride he’d gotten through life, while you’d had to fight tooth and nail for the (relatively) small successes you’d achieved.

His stupid _face_.

“The day that I let Frank Moreau take my monsters away is the day I die.” You paused, then smiled somewhat viciously. “And even then, I’d rather leave it in my will to give the monsters freely to good homes rather than have him assimilate them into his damned compounds.”

“Savage,” Underling whistled, getting an amused smile from you.

You shrugged lightly. “Well, he shouldn’t have threatened me.”

Underling wriggled and shifted until they were laying face-to-face with you, their hands folded and tucked up under their face. “So what’re you gonna do about the new place?”

You puffed out a sigh, turning to rub your face into your pillow for a moment while you thought about it. “I don’t know yet,” you concluded, cracking your knuckles one by one. You wiggled your fingers nervously. “The only thing I can do, I suppose. Hire someone for the old place and move to the new one for the time being.”

“But it’s supposed to open in a week? How’re you gonna get the word out _and_ do interviews _and_ train them up before then?”

You gnawed at a fingernail before smiling wide at them.

They blinked, before it dawned on them what you were suggesting. “Wait, no—I’m not—I’m _irresponsible_ , Boss, you can’t leave me to do all that stuff! I’ll probably end up hiring a chimpanzee or something.”

“C’mon, it won’t be that _baa-aad_ ,” you whined, prodding their shin with your toe. “If you do me this favour, I promise I’ll—”

_THUMP._

You froze mid-sentence, eyes going wide at the loud crashing sound from the living room. Across from you, Underling had the same expression, though they were looking towards the bedroom door. You held your breath, listening carefully for a few moments before whispering,

“Did you hear that?”

Underling gave two short, sharp nods.

_Skrrrrrriiiiiitch…_

_THUMP._

“Was that…was that what you heard earlier?”

Another few nods, their eyes going even wider.

“Oh man, I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.” 

When the sound came again, both of you simultaneously rolled off the bed, crouching as you padded up to the door. You both put your ears up to the wood and you held your breath, listening carefully. It took a moment, but soon enough you heard the unmistakable sound of tiny footsteps.

Though…

…it almost sounded like a cat?

A cat whose claws kept getting stuck in the carpet.

Did raccoons have retractable claws?

“Ah, man, the little bastard is going into the kitchen!” Underling whispered, their face scrunching up with annoyance. You listened harder and realised that, yeah, actually, there was the sound of claws on tile.

“Shit, okay, we’d better go do something about it or get raccoon disease on all our food,” you grumbled.

“One step ahead of you.”

You glanced over at them before doing a double-take. They already had the broom in their hands somehow, held like a javelin.

Your eyebrows shot up, but you said nothing.

“I keep one spare in each room, just in case,” they said matter-of-factly.

You opened your mouth to ask just in case of _what_ , but realised it didn’t really matter, when it came to your roommate. You just turned and slowly creaked open the door instead, tip-toeing out into the hall. As you crept into the living room, you carefully grabbed the bin and ever-so-slowly removed the half-full bin liner from it. There. At least you had a receptacle for it now.

You hesitated at the entrance to the kitchen, glancing back at Underling. “Lemme go first—see if I can trap it in here,” you said under your breath. They nodded quickly, and you took a deep breath to steel yourself, turning back to the entrance. At least you had quite a bit of experience with wrangling little things out of places they didn’t belong.

Never did this for a raccoon, though.

And monsters didn’t carry rabies.

You edged yourself forcibly into the kitchen, your fingers clutching the rim of the bin tight enough to hurt. The rustling had stopped as soon as you’d stepped onto the tiles. You took the smallest, _smallest_ steps forward you could, biting your lip as your heart hammered with adrenaline. Okay, this was stupid. You had dealt with plenty of practically wild monsters—how different could a raccoon be?

Bouncing slightly for a few seconds to gear yourself up, you sprang forward into the kitchen proper, holding the bin over your head like a net, ready to slap it over the little beastie any moment.

Only there was no little beastie.

“Oh, hell no,” you heard from behind you, and looked over your shoulder to see Underling peering into the kitchen. “Is it hiding from us like a little cowardly custard?”

Unfortunately, you didn’t have any attention to spare to respond to them, as you were too busy being frozen with abject terror. Turning around to face Underling had also given you a new perspective on the kitchen, and you now had the wonderful, terrifying sight of a _massive fucking spider_ lurking in the ceiling corner above the entrance, where you had _just walked throughaaaaaaa_ —

“Aaaaaah, _fuuuuck_!” you screamed, your back slamming into the counter behind you as you skid away, the bin abandoned.

Several things happened all at once after that, though you would be hard-pressed to remember them later, considering your panic.

As soon as you’d screamed, there was a loud _crack_ in the air as Pumpkin—now fully awake and with teeth bared—teleported onto your head, growling protectively as slid down your face, holding onto your hair.

“What? What? What’s wrong?!” Underling asked, rushing to your side and turning to see what you’d been staring at. “Whoah there!”

Your heart nearly exploded from your chest when they immediately snatched up a step-stool and climbed up, holding their hands up to the enormous black spider, cooing the whole time.

“Oh my _God_ , what are you _doing_ —” you choked out as Pumpkin accidentally kicked you in the throat as he tried to climb up.

At the same time, through all the noise, you thought you heard a tiny voice calling, “Don’t be angry!”

“Awww, c’mere little guy,” Underling said, easing the spider down and scooping it up close to their chest. You about had a heart attack, but before you did, you noticed a few things that made you suddenly feel very, _very_ foolish. Firstly, that while spiders generally had eight legs, this one only had four limbs. Secondly, that it was much too thin and long to be a spider, and had a strange, skeletal body and head. And thirdly was that the reason it was too long and had a skeleton’s shape was because it _was_ a skeleton.

It was a monster.

And you had just screamed at them.

“Oh my God,” you said past Pumpkin’s foot in your mouth.

Underling was smiling down at the tall skeleton dressed in black rags that barely covered his bones. The skeleton was smiling up at them with some uncertainty, glancing over at you frequently as Underling pat his back.

“I know who you are.”

You snatched Pumpkin off your head, plopping him on your shoulder so he could finally face the visitor that had somehow found him all on his own. It took several seconds for his growling to finally die off into stunned silence. When you looked over at him with a wide smile, you saw the wonder in his eyes as realisation hit him, his jaw going slack.

“Papyrus?”

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well DANG BOY I THINK WE ALL SAW THAT COMING
> 
> i never claimed to be a mystery writer you guys
> 
> Next time, some shenanigans happen at the store!
> 
> One potato, two potato, three potato, four, five potato six potato my tumblr is a bore
> 
> tellcosy.tumblr.com (18+ just in case)


	8. Making Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gotta be Serious for once, UGH

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey y'all, been a long while, but hopefully now back to regularish updates providing I don't fall to the plague or something. Enjoy!

"Again, I'm very sorry for the...the screaming."  
  
"Oh, no, I completely understand," the little ragged Papyrus said, stumbling over his words. You watched him daintily take a sip of tea from his tiny doll's cup, your own mug of coffee still too hot to drink. "I was so focused on getting to Sans that I forgot how frightening we can be to some humans."  
  
You hid a grimace into your cup of coffee, taking the burn to your lips to hide your embarrassment. You wished your roommate would stop giving you that flat, superior smile that kept reminding you that you'd screamed in abject terror over a monster. You knew there was no chance of that. Maybe if you were lucky, they'd stop laughing about it so much in a few years. It was much more likely, though, that you'd both be old and decrepit, with completely failed memories, and they'd STILL somehow be able to remember this moment to laugh at you.   
  
To be fair, you deserved it.   
  
Even after taking the time to get everyone settled down with their choice of warm drink, you still couldn't believe you'd reacted so poorly. You'd wanted to apologise to Pumpkin as well, but he'd been so busy asking Papyrus a million and one questions that you hadn't had the heart to distract him even a little bit. As you'd left Underling in the living room with the monsters to put the kettle on and take down the cups, you'd listened in on Papyrus's answers to Pumpkin's onslaught of questions.   
  
Apparently, he’d been adopted out as a present for a young man who was headed to college soon, but the father hadn’t known that students weren’t allowed to bring monsters or pets in the dorms. The young man had been extremely apologetic to Papyrus, who had done his best to understand. It was difficult, though, when instead of being returned to his brother like he’d assumed, the father had simply passed him off onto another family member in another house entirely. Papyrus and the little girl had gotten along just fine, but she already had several other monsters living with her and didn’t always have time for him. He’d taken advantage of her split attention to slip away several times a week, journeying further and further away just to test his limits.

Eventually he’d managed to venture far enough that he could sneak back into the store where he’d been separated from Sans, but by that time, Sans had already been transferred to your store. Instead of going back to the girl, though, Papyrus had decided to keep looking for his brother. It had taken a while, as he hadn’t been able to ask anybody for directions, but once he got the idea to rotate between the adoption centers, his effort paid off. He’d seen you and Sans go in for his adoption, and had followed you back home. He’d watched you and him to make sure you were treating him right, keeping hidden so he could make a proper introduction as soon as he was sure.

Of course, then he’d been startled out into the open by Underling’s furious whackings, and the rest was screamy history.

And now you’d all ended up sipping your teas and coffees and hot chocolates after that, just silently absorbing Papyrus’s story. 

You were extremely impressed, to say the least, and more than a little alarmed. For Papyrus to have survived so long without a human around was totally unheard of. It would normally take no small amount of Determination to manage it, and as far as you knew, monsters didn’t produce it naturally. But what concerned you most was the fact that you were technically housing a missing monster; not a crime yet, but depending on how things went, could definitely get you and your housemates in trouble.

You realised that everyone’s eyes were on you expectantly and you raised your eyebrows, lowering your coffee. “Whassup?”

“Ugh, that’s not a good sign,” Underling groaned, their face screwed up. “Boss in such deep thought never leads to happy things.”

“What’re you talking about?”

“We asked what you thought about Paps stayin’ here,” Pumpkin said, his eyebrows pulled together and his eyes dimming. You could tell he was trying to keep himself cool, but you could see right through it. He was desperate for you to tell him that of course you would just adopt Papyrus too so they could be together again.

And man, did you wish you could give him what he wanted.

But whether or not Papyrus would eventually be able to remain with his brother was 100% not in your jurisdiction. It was far, far above your pay grade, in fact. Because the only other place to carry rare monsters like a horror Papyrus was owned by the billionaire dunkass himself.

Shit. 

“You’re thinking about Frank Moreau again, aren’t you?”

You ground out a sigh at Underling’s accusation and plopped your coffee down dejectedly. “ _ Yes _ , I am.”

“Well that’s a neat trick!” Papyrus chirped, staring up at Underling with awe in his twinkling eyes. “Can you show me how to read people’s minds?”

“They didn’t—”

“Maybe when you’re older,” Underling interrupted you, grinning down at Papyrus with a smug look. “But you don’t need to use that kinda technique with Boss. All you gotta see is the way the vein in their neck bulges real nasty. Then you know they’re either thinkin’ of the mail from the last tenants of this place still getting delivered here years later, the fact that candy bars are getting smaller but are still the same price, or Frank Moreau.” 

Your frown deepened as you watched them tick off the potential causes of your potential aneurysms so casually. They flashed you a curly, Grinch-esque smile as they finished with, “They’re not that complicated.”

You nearly burst out with a hundred reasons why  _ they _ weren’t exactly the most complicated person in the world either—including the fact that they thought that opening bananas from the other end was the way nature intended—but you were stopped by Pumpkin’s small, morose voice saying,

“You're not gonna adopt him, are you.”

_ Shit _ . 

You looked Pumpkin in the eyes for a good long moment before a sigh scraped out of you and you deflated. You let yourself slump forward as your sigh dropped into a groan. You rubbed the bridge of your nose before propping your coffee on the edge of a bookshelf. 

“Look—”

“We’re all lookin’ at you, Boss,” Pumpkin snapped. “Just say that you aren’t gonna adopt my brother already!”

You felt your jaw clench unconsciously and you worked to relax yourself before saying calmly, “The thing is.” You swept your eyes over all of them before landing back on Pumpkin. Papyrus looked a little uncomfortable and Underling kept staring longingly into the kitchen, so the little outraged ball of rattling bones was definitely your target audience here. “It isn’t as simple as that, Sans.” You ignored the small flinch he gave at your use of his type name. “It wouldn’t be like adopting you. He still belongs with his family. We  _ cannot _ keep him here. We could get in trouble just for having him here right now.”

Your eyes flicked over to see Papyrus looking even more uncomfortable before returning to Pumpkin, who had covered his obvious hurt with more anger.

“So we’re just gonna bring him back to that place and ignore that he was being abused?  _ Huh _ ? You’re just gonna let him go back and die there?” Pumpkin was standing now, his small cup tumbling onto the carpet. He was glaring daggers at you, his pupils flashing angrily as he clenched his fists. 

“Come on, Pumpkin, don't be like that,” you pleaded, turning your hands palm-up in supplication. “You know as well as I do that even if he was  _ actually  _ being abused, I would be required  _ by law  _ to follow the removal procedure. So no matter what, he can’t stay with us.”

“That’s  _ bullsh _ —”

“Sans, please,” Papyrus interrupted his brother, holding a hand to his arm. Papyrus’s eyes narrowed briefly when it seemed like Sans was going to shake him off, and Sans seemed to think better of it. “Don’t be angry with your human. They can’t help the rules any more than we can.”

“That’s not  _ true _ , Pyrus!” Sans retorted, his eyes flashing with annoyance despite the fact that he was obviously attempting to wrangle his anger in. “Boss isn’t just some human—they  _ know _ people. If they really wanted to, they could—”

“Pumpkin, that’s  _ enough _ ,” you snapped, stomach twisting with regret. You met the little monster’s sharp look of betrayal with one of your own. You didn’t like confrontation at the best of times, but you were doubly sick at the revelation that Pumpkin genuinely thought that you could somehow just make things happen but were simply not invested enough to do it. You hadn’t told him everything you’d done to try to find Papyrus before, true, but you’d thought he’d had a better opinion of you and how far you would go for your family.

And if you were being honest with yourself, it hurt a lot.

“I don’t know where you got the idea that I’m some kind of VIP who can just call up and cut through all the red tape to get things done fast, but I assure you, I’m not.” 

Immediately after you snapped the words out, you regretted your tone. You took a deep breath and held it, ignoring the way your eyes drifted shut and stuck that way. You didn’t have time to be tired right now. You pried them back open and gave Pumpkin an apologetic smile. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to be so shitty about it. But it  _ is _ the truth. The only reason I could get you out of your situation so quickly was because you came from  _ my _ stores  _ and _ I knew that you were being mistreated.”

Your calmer tone and obvious regret seemed to do wonders for Pumpkin’s own mood, even though the only reaction he gave was to slump back into the couch and face away from everyone. Your face pulled into a grimace and you looked over to Underling for help. They had a similarly pained look on their face, though, and you knew instantly that they weren’t going to suggest something miraculous. They gave a tiny, apologetic shrug, shaking their head. You shrugged back to let them know it was okay.

After all, you were the boss—it was up to you, not them, to fix things.

You took a good long while to just look between the two monsters, your mind racing over the possibilities. You had several possible courses of action here, and many of them would end with someone being upset with you, at best. Several of them could land you with a hefty fine and possible jail time. But the best option by far seemed to be…

“Okay, look.”

Sans and Papyrus both turned back to you, their eyes wide and horribly hopeful. You swallowed thickly, grateful at least that Underling had left to get popsicles to cheer everyone up, so you didn’t have to see them looking at you with that same trust. Everyone was looking to you to make everything work out, and you were suddenly terrified that you wouldn’t be able to.

“Yeah, Boss?” Pumpkin prodded when you didn’t lead into your plan immediately.

You shook your head to clear it, inhaling and exhaling once before saying, “Right. This is what we’re gonna do: first, we’re all gonna get some sleep, because making life-changing plans while tired is not a good idea.” Before Sans could interject with more than a sharp “But—!” you held up a hand and continued. “And after we wake up and have a good breakfast, I’m going to call Mr. Moreau’s office and make the soonest appointment possible. Hopefully he’ll be able to give me a few minutes in between his other  _ hundreds  _ of responsibilities, but it’s  _ very unlikely _ , so we’re reasonably looking at a week or two before I can bring up the situation to him.”

Sans looked like he would love to try to argue with you about that, but you were surprised to find that he didn’t.

Before you could continue with your explanation, though, Underling shuffled back into the living room with several popsicles stuck under their armpits, mumbling, “Hey, there, little puddin’ pop!” while unwrapping one for themselves, their eyes staring lovingly down at it.

“Hiya!” Papyrus chirped back, a charming smile lighting up his face. It only took a second before his face showed the realisation of his mistake. “Oh! Oh, wowie, uh! This is embarrassing! I thought you were calling for me!”

“You like the name Puddin’?” Underling asked, their delight slowly dawning across their face as they dropped the popsicles to the table.

Papyrus squirmed next to his brother, looking pleased but still quite embarrassed. “Y-yes, I do.”

“Well then we’ll call you—”

“Whoah, whoah,” you interjected, waving your hands with no small amount of alarm. “No nicknames. I just said he can’t stay.”

“Well yeah, but we all know you’ll figure somethin’ out,” Underling said around their popsicle, mouth stretched in a smile. You stared at them, grimacing slightly. 

“Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Sure.” You waved away their offering of a popsicle to flop down onto your favourite armchair and rub your aching head back against the worn material. You closed your eyes, still fighting against the overwhelming tiredness. You’d had the most frustrating day ever and it seemed you were suddenly immune to the effects of caffeine. Fantastic. “You do realise, of course, that we’re talking about not only convincing his family that they should risk him dusting—”

“Huh! Not likely,” Underling snorted, chocolate smeared across their mouth.

You rolled your head over to give Underling a tired, unamused look. “Fine. Granted. That’s not really much of an issue, considering how he found us in the first place.”

“Is that bad?” Papyrus asked, kicking his little legs as Pumpkin patted his back.

You gave a little wiggle of your hand as a lazy shrug. “No, not really. In fact, it’s amazing at face value. But if your family knows anything about monsters and what they can do for humans they’ll—”

Underling cleared their throat both loudly and aggressively and you cut yourself off, looking over at them for explanation. They were making a big show of being casual while also throwing a significant, almost comical look over to Pumpkin and Papyrus. When you saw that the two monsters were staring up at you with wide, intensely curious eyes, you realised what Underling was trying to tell you.

_ They didn’t know about bond magic _ .

God, of  _ course _ they didn’t know about bond magic. The other monsters had never been keen on talking with Sans, so he wouldn’t have found out that way. And it took a very specific type of person to bond deeply enough with a monster like them to even feel a hint of magic in the first place, so it was entirely possible that the monsters hadn’t even known, themselves. You’d never managed it, certainly, but that was to be expected. It usually took either years or a strong emotionally bonding experience to create the connection, both of which you’d never had. You were in the business of finding others’ lifetime partners, not your own. So even though others had described to you the feeling of a monster’s magical influence, and your friends had speculated how a monster’s bond with you would manifest, that was all it ever was: speculation.

In some ways, it was a good thing for you. You didn’t do well with surprises, in general, and how the bond magic manifested varied wildly. There was no way to determine how a monster might affect a human’s latent ability. Not for lack of trying, of course. But when there were hordes of factors involved—some known and some still mysterious even to the scientists studying the phenomenon—it was impossible to be able to  _ plan _ .

Doubly so when the monster was one like Pumpkin.

Or his brother, Papyrus.

Who had apparently worked up such a huge amount of determination to find his brother that he had managed to live without his humans.

High levels of determination in monsters was never a dull thing, that was for sure.

And unfortunately for you, now that you had the task of figuring out how to legally and quickly reunite the brothers, there were those who were highly invested in finding monsters who could potentially bring more magic into their house or business.

It was part of the reason why only a handful of centers were certified to house rare or powerful monsters.

Shit.

You looked between everyone, suddenly too tired to continue your train of thought from earlier. The next few weeks were stretching out in front of you like an obstacle course.

But when your eyes fell on Pumpkin and Papyrus again, you realised that it was inarguably an obstacle course you were going to navigate until you conquered it. Sure, you were going to have to sweet-talk and kiss ass until your lips were raw, but that wasn’t exactly new for you. You’d fought your whole life to give monsters the life they wanted.

It was never really an option for you to give that up when it was Pumpkin’s brother who was at stake.

You just wished that one of the asses you were going to have to kiss wasn’t  _ Frank Moreau’s _ .

God, the smug bastard.

“Right,” you said absently, though even you could hear the determination in your voice. “Right. Time for bed.”

“Whuh?” Underling grunted, chewing thoughtfully on their popsicle’s wooden stick. “But I thought—”

“Nah, bedtime,” you said, waving a hand loosely. “First. Then I’m going to make some calls. Then we’re going to go to Papyrus’s humans and have a chat.” You threw Pumpkin a look before he could even think to cut in. “The least we can do is let them know where he is. Think about how I would feel if you’d left without telling me and were gone for days.”

Pumpkin seemed to ruminate on that, his face scrunched into a small pout. “Yeah, alright.”

“Alright?” you confirmed, pleased that he’d seen your side of it so easily.

“Yeah. Alright.”

“Good!” you chirped as cheerfully as you could manage, bracing your hands on your knees to stand up with a groan. “Bedtime, then. You guys are free to sleep where you like; Pumpkin knows where the blankets and stuff are.”

“Okay!” Papyrus said without hesitation, seeming to be excited at the prospect of a sort of sleepover situation. “Thank you for letting me stay for now, Boss!”

You paused on your way out of the room, a smile pulling at the edges of your mouth at your nickname coming from Papyrus’s tiny, bright voice. You glanced over your shoulder at the little monster and let the smile shine through, tired as it was.

“Thank  _ you _ for finding us, Puddin’.”

Without waiting for an answer, you went off to bed, barely keeping awake long enough to lay your head on the pillow. Despite your wild, anxious dreams, you still managed to sleep well enough that you didn’t even notice Pumpkin wriggling into his usual place at your side until you woke up curled next to him in the morning.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: having one of those awful awkward discussions with people you don't know and don't want to know but you gotta get real with them and oh god ohhhuguhghghghuguhgh
> 
> How is your tumblr doing, The Cosys? Pretty good it doesn't seem.
> 
> [ tellcosy.tumblr.com (18+) ](http://tellcosy.tumblr.com)


	9. Frank

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sometimes you just gotta take those calls you hate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, forgot to mention in the last chapter that Sethikur did a [ comic of the first chapter of this story ](https://sethikur.deviantart.com/gallery/64223302/Monsters-Should-Be-Cute-Chapter-One) and it is AMAZING! I'm super sorry for forgetting to include it in the previous chapter, Sethikur, and thank you again! <3

 

You were three cups of coffee and no food into the day when your phone buzzed in your pocket. You were in the middle of ringing up a customer’s items, though, so you didn’t get the chance to answer before it stopped. You smiled as you handed over the bag of pet food, ignoring the phantom buzzes against your hip and the metaphorical hole it burned into your pocket. As soon as the customer stepped away, you tapped Underling on the elbow to break their attention away from the stack of CVs they were hunched over. They looked up at you with a pained expression.

“Please tell me you’re about to mercy kill me.”

“In a manner of speaking,” you said, jerking your head over to the till where there was already another line forming. Underling’s face scrunched up further, but they stood up straight and hobbled over to it, nodding as they went.

“Have a good break, Boss,” they said cheekily before logging into the till and greeting the customer waiting. You wrinkled your nose at them as you pulled out your phone and headed to the back office, wriggling your fingers at Pumpkin and Puddin’ to let them know they could stay up on the shelves. Still, the first thing you heard as you closed the door behind you and listened to the robotic voicemail greeting was a soft  _ crack _ and the whuffling rattle of tiny bones.

“Ah, yes, hello there, this is Simon from the office of Mr. Moreau returning your call--”

“Ksst, Boss, issat that the guy? The one guy?” Pumpkin hissed up at you, hopping down from the computer monitor and bouncing excitedly at the edge of the desk. Puddin’ was looking around the office with wide eyes and a bright smile, the same look he’d had all day. He was like a kid in a candy store. 

“--so if you’d like to give a call back today, he’ll be available between--”

“Boss? Boss!”

“Sans, let them talk! What if it is the man? You’re distracting them!”

“--thank you, bye!”

“They aren’t talking at all, how could I be distracting them?”

You scrambled to write down the phone number you were given on the back of your hand, shaking the pen when it threatened to run out. As soon as you had it down, you hung up and lowered your phone, turning a look onto the monster brothers. When they finally stopped playfully bickering at each other and noticed you watching them, you raised your eyebrows significantly.

Pumpkin gave you a cheeky, but apologetic smile. “Sorry, Boss.”

“S’alright, buddy,” you said, shaking your head and grinning. “Just gimme a couple minutes to call ‘em back, okay? Promise I’ll let you know what they say as soon as I’m done. Why don’t you help Underling out until then?”

“Okay! Yes! Thank you, we’ll do that!” Puddin’ chirped, snatching up Pumpkin and throwing him over a shoulder before bounding out of the office. You watched them go, laughing at the look of indignation on Pumpkin’s face.

Once they had left again, you entered the number you’d been given, taking a second to frown at it on your phone screen. Hm. Not only was that not any of the numbers you’d ever used to call before, it wasn’t even a landline. You weren’t sure if you’d heard it right, but you figured it wouldn’t hurt to try it out first.

You dialed and propped the phone between your head and shoulder as you went around the desk to sit. You dragged over another folder of CVs and other paperwork you still had to file, preparing for a long wait on hold. Before you could even flip it open, though, a familiar voice answered, “Hello, this is Frank Moreau.”

You hesitated for a long, awkward moment. It was Frank Moreau, and you had  _ not _ been prepared to speak to the man himself just yet. You supposed that solved the mystery of why the number hadn’t been a landline at all.

“Hello?” 

“Uh,” you grunted, snapping out of your surprise with a choked cough. “Uh, hi! Is this Frank? Uh, Moreau?”

You grimaced, holding your head in your hand as soon as the words left your mouth. Really? That was the best your brain could come up with under duress? Double checking that he was, in fact, the man he’d only just said he was?

“It...is, yes. May I ask who’s calling?” 

You managed to give him your name with a little more dignity and professionalism than before, thankfully with minimal sweating and mental swearing.

“Oh, hey!” Frank exclaimed, his tone immediately casual. It gave you a little bit of whiplash, to be honest. “I’ve been expecting your call!”

“I wish I could say the same for myself,” you mumbled under your breath, not realising it was loud enough to be heard until Frank said, 

“I’m sorry?”

You let your head drop to the desk table, cringing.  _ Dammit _ , why was it always so hard for you to talk to this guy? It wasn’t like he was intimidating in the slightest. It was just this...malfunction in your brain. It was part of why you dreaded every time you had to sort something out with him.

“Uh. I just didn’t realise I was calling your personal number,” you said, rubbing your forehead roughly. “Your PA didn’t mention it in the voicemail.”

“My PA?”

“Simon?”

“Simon?” Frank echoed, and for a brief moment you had the weird thought that you hadn’t actually called his office earlier, but instead some kind of detective agency that found private information of important individuals and sold it to their client and now you would be sent an enormous bill for the accidental acquisition. You were snapped out of that panic-inducing thought by Frank continuing with, “Weird. I thought Simon quit earlier this week.”

You sat there in stunned silence for a moment before snorting with laughter. “I guess that would explain why he didn’t mention it!”

“Oh, no, I told them both to give you the number so we could get this business sorted out faster for you. I figured it would be better for both of us if I just took care of it.”

You cleared your throat, considering that quickly. Did his insistence on taking care of things quickly mean he was happy to help you work with Puddin’s family?

Man, you hoped so. It would be awesome if you could bring that news to Pumpkin, who was most likely pacing nervously outside the door despite your suggestion.

“Well, uh, yeah, that sounds great,” you mumbled, fumbling for something to write on. “When would be a good time to schedule the meeting, do you think?”

“I’m not sure a meeting is necessary. I’ve already had them looked into and they should be easy enough to deal with.”

You tapped your pen on the scrap receipt, mouth twisting nervously. “Well, but I’d really appreciate being included in the discussion.”

“Oh, of course you’ll have the final say with what happens to them, I just figured we’d sort out that business over the phone now.”

You flinched back, eyebrows raising with surprise. Uh...

“Frank, is there a reason why you’re talking so ominously? Do I  _ want _ to know if there’s a reason?”

“Hm? What do you mean?”

“You’re talking about this family like you’re gonna, you know,  _ take care of them _ .” You gestured uselessly with your hand despite being on the phone.

“Well, ah. Well. I suppose I can see how you’d appreciate a different approach if you consider them to be family.”

You paused, face scrunched with utter confusion. “Frank.” You rubbed the bridge of your nose. “I’m sorry but what the hell are you talking about.”

“Uh. What are  _ you _ talking about?”

You couldn’t help the snort that burst out. “I’m talking about the adoption of the horror Papyrus that found his Sans at our house.”

There was a moment of silence before Frank exclaimed, “Ohhhh.”

“Yeah, oh!” you said, laughing with relief. “What the hell were you even talking about? You sounded like you were trying to arrange a hit on somebody.  _ God _ .”

“What, no, no, oh my god,” Frank said quickly, laughing as well now. “No wonder you were sounding so worried. No, no, I was talking about getting the new employees sorted out for the store.” There was another pause before he continued quietly with, “Yeah, no, we’re definitely gonna have to schedule a meeting for the monster adoption.”

“Yeah, you  _ think _ so?” you sassed, still cracking up. “Jeez, man. Alright, anyway, so tell me what days are good for you. I’d like to get this settled as quickly as possible. Pumpkin is driving me crazy.”

He chuckled and sighed. “Yes, I’d imagine he is. I don’t envy you, if I’m honest.”

“ _ Thank you _ , Frank. Can you please just tell me a good day to schedule the meeting?”

There was a small ‘hmm’ sound followed by a couple clacks of a keyboard and the shuffling of papers. “Oh, boy. Well. It looks like the first opening I’d be able to schedule is late next week. Probably...Thursday at night or early Friday? Sorry.”

“No, no,” you began, waving your hand before flipping your calendar to the days he’d indicated, “it’s a busy time of year for, uh. Uh.” You struggled to find a polite term for busybody CEO.

“Big grumpy businessmen who keep putting their noses in  _ your _ business?”

Your whole body lit up with embarrassment, but you managed to keep it audibly confined to only a quick clearing of the throat. “Well. You’re the one who said it, not me.”

Frank’s only response was laughter, thankfully, which gave you the time to compose yourself. You did some mental shuffling of plans before penning in the possible appointment on Thursday, a question mark dotting the date. “So, uh,” you said absently, chewing on the inside of your cheek as you mulled over your next course of action. “Thursday would be better for us, I think, if you’re up for it—”

“Yeah, of course, I’ll mark it down—”

“—uh, okay, cool, so, uh…”

The sound of clacking keys stopped as you trailed off awkwardly.

“Hm?” Frank prompted.

“Well, it’s just. I know this is going to be weird for you, but d’y’reckon I should just send out a letter asking the family to come to the meeting or should I bring it up when I bring Pud—Papyrus back?”

There was a brief silence before Frank made a bemused sound. “You’re asking for  _ my _ advice?”

You resisted rolling your eyes.

“Boy, you were right. This  _ is _ weird for me.”

“Frank—”

“Mention it when you’re there,” he interjected before you could get your own dig in. “It’s better to be upfront with your intention if you want them to cooperate.”

“Of course I do,” you sighed. “I wouldn’t try to put a wedge between them and Papyrus. Even if Pumpkin would hate me.”

“I know you wouldn’t,” Frank said, his voice both completely confident and almost comforting. You rankled at the way you naturally responded to his easy trust in you. You didn’t consciously care if he believed in your ethics, but it was difficult to completely erase your instincts. At one point you’d been friends, and no matter how you tried to forget it, your brain obviously had other ideas.

“Yeah, well.” You pushed aside your desire to make a shitty remark and instead continued with, “Anyway. I’ll, uh, I’ll do that when we go tomorrow.”

“You’re going tomorrow? I thought you were supposed to be open.”

“We called in one of our temps,” you said, practically through your teeth. “Why?” 

“Just curious. Thought you might have already chosen someone from the pile.”

You took a deep breath through your nose to wash away the indignation. He didn’t mean anything by it; he wasn’t questioning your ability to manage your business. He wasn’t going to try to strong-arm you out. He was just curious. 

“Oh. No. No, we’re still making our way through the ones we had saved up. Haven’t gotten to yours yet.” You tried your best not to sound confrontational about it, but you could tell you hadn’t done as well as you’d like. When Frank just gave a soft, thoughtful hum in response, you figured it was time to cut the conversation off before you said something you might regret later. “So anyway, if you could send over the family’s address, I’ll let you—”

“They’re all very good, you know.”

You blinked, caught short. You’d already mentally motored ahead to the end of the conversation, so it took you more than a moment to realise he was still talking about the people he’d recommended. “Um, I know they are.”

“Would it be better if I just sent them over for a preliminary interview?”

“It...really wouldn’t,” you said, more baffled than annoyed at his insistence now. He wasn’t usually this invested in your business decisions, even when they directly affected his facilities. What was so different this time? “You okay, Frank? You—you feelin’ okay?”

“Hm? Yeah? Yeah, I’m fine. Why?”

“You’re just going a bit...uh.  _ Motherly _ .”

There was another quick pause before a sigh crackled through the call. “Yeah, uh. See, the thing is—”

He cut off suddenly with a sound like a robot clicking its tongue, and you thought you could faintly hear someone singing  _ Kokomo _ off-key, with accompanying claps keeping the beat.

“Fffrank? Did you put me on hold or something?”

“...no, I didn’t. Unfortunately.”

“Is there someone there with you?” you asked, trying not to crack up.

There was a quick rustling and then Frank’s voice was much closer, as if he was huddled against his phone. “Please take them. I'm so busy dealing with the new regulations and they won't stop singing that song until I get them a job working with monsters.”

“Hwh—” you huffed in confusion, still on the verge of laughter. You'd never heard Frank sound so desperate. “What? Who? And why can't you just employ them?”

“Because they think it's cheating if they work at my store. They want to get the real job-seeking experience.”

“ _ Who _ ?” 

You heard the someone crooning that their ears were burning and Frank made a shuddering grumble you'd never heard him do before in your life. When the singing started getting closer, Frank suddenly and very loudly said, “No th _ ank _ you, we're already subscribed to yuh—your toner!” 

There was cackling laughter and a sharp “Give it up, buttercup!” from the singer, and something about that pinged your memory.

“Wait, is that—”

Frank's words came very fast and close together. “ _ Yes _ . Please take them. If you do it before Monday, I'll pay for any expenses for Papyrus’s adoption.” The singer began crooning for Frank again—only right up on the phone now—as he finished in a rush, “Bigfavourpl _ ease _ gottagobye.”

“Hey, wait, no, you gotta give me the family's—”

Dead air.

“Address,” you finished with a long sigh. You made a face down at your phone's home screen, mouth scrunched up with part amusement and part disbelief. 

“ _ Hate  _ that guy.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: ROAD TRIIIIIIP
> 
> My tumblr's familiar...but not too familiar...but not too not familiar...
> 
> [ tellcosy.tumblr.com ](https://tellcosy.tumblr.com)


	10. Breakfast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Havin' a little chill time before the big trip.

 

 

No matter how you swung it, you were not ready to talk to Puddin’s family.

It was going to be awkward and sad and frustrating and you'd probably come across as some kind of greedy creep, twirling your mustache as you tried to convince this family to let you come back and steal their monster son.

Fortunately, you still had a good couple of hours before you'd be talking to them.

Or unfortunately, depending on how your social anxiety felt at that moment.

You’d gotten up early that morning after an hour of tossing and turning, thinking of everything you’d need to cover with the family and everything that could go wrong. It was only after Pumpkin had sunk his teeth into your carelessly thrashing arm and crabbily popped out of the room that you’d decided you’d be better off just getting up. 

After getting yourself a quick bandage for your newest “tooth encounter,” you’d peeked through Underling’s open door to see that Pumpkin had indeed dropped himself onto his brother, who was—weirdly enough for him—still asleep. The brothers had already been curled together tip-to-toe like puppies with Underling sprawled out around them by the time you’d gotten yourself up, and you’d decided to leave them all to sleep. 

It took you an embarrassingly long few minutes of sleepily rooting around the kitchen before you realised that you’d used up the last of the coffee the morning before. And, apparent after another quick look, the tea had been used up the night before.

“Shit,” you swore without heat, only slightly annoyed with yourself for forgetting to get some when you went shopping the night before. You didn’t usually have so many cups of either drink; you had one every once in awhile when things were calm, but you tended to drink more the more stressed you were. 

Incidentally, you also tended to forget small things when you were stressed out.

“Oh well,” you sighed, scratching the back of your neck and ruffling at your messy hair. Well, there went that idea. It would have been nice to sit and just zone out on the balcony with a cup of something hot while you watched the city wake up around you. Even on your worst insomnia days, that always seemed to help sort out your thoughts.

Well. It wasn’t like tea and coffee were the only hot drinks. 

With the cheerful self-reminder that you were an adult and allowed to drink hot chocolate when you damn well pleased, you got a saucepan of milk on to heat up. While you waited, you tidied up the last of the groceries and dirty dishes just to have something to keep yourself busy. Somewhere in the back of your mind were thoughts prodding at you, wanting to be looked at. Given attention.  _ Not _ ignored all day and night.

But you weren’t going to give them that attention. You had no reason to spend any more time thinking about Frank Moreau and whether he might have actually changed since you’d last spoken to him personally. It just wasn’t important.

What  _ was _ important, however, was the fact that you’d somehow managed to forget coffee and tea and yet had procured every bit required to make an enormous and delicious breakfast. 

You stirred the milk gently, humming over whether you should or not. On the one hand, you’d gotten up well in time to do so, had all you needed right to hand, and had half-promised a good breakfast a couple nights ago and hadn’t come through. 

On the other hand…

...you…

...might need to use Puddin’s family’s bathroom while you were there?

Yeah, alright, you were already taking out the ingredients.

You were in the middle of sipping your newly-poured hot chocolate and cracking an egg when you heard the tell-tale sound of tiny skittering bone feet. You didn’t even have to turn around to realise it must be Puddin’—even if Pumpkin had cared to get up this early, he certainly wouldn’t have bothered to actually  _ walk _ into the kitchen. He usually just appeared on top of the fridge with a piece of mystery meat already stuffed between his teeth. You could never figure out how he managed to get the meat without making any sound, and at this point you were too afraid to ask.

“HeLLO,” Puddin’ called in his tiny, horrible voice. He seemed to sound most like a horror monster when he first woke up, with a gravelly, uneven tone that sent your skin crawling. “G-g-goood mmmmORN...ing.”

You absently rubbed away your goosebumps as you greeted him back, scooting the stepstool over with your socked toe. He gladly took the invitation to come see what you were doing, scrambling easily up the steps and peering over the counter with wide, pulsing eyes.

“OooooOOOoooOH! A-aRE youuu...baaaakiiiiing?” 

“Sort of!” you said with a smile, setting your mug down so you could mix up the pancake batter. “Makin’ pancakes is nearly baking, I’d reckon. They certainly have ‘cake’ in the name.”

“Oh! I-IIII’ve had  _ pancake _ before,” Puddin’ said excitedly, his voice starting to even out to the pleasantly spooky tone it usually held. There was still a lingering echo that pressed against your head slightly, but you were used to it from the other skeleton monsters you’d worked with. Since they didn’t have anything other than magic to project their voices out to a human ear, it could cause all kinds of strange symptoms, depending on the person. You’d never really had any side-effect from Pumpkin’s voice before, but lately even he’d been causing the echoes in your head. You briefly wondered if it could be related to how excited or happy the monster was, as you rooted around under the sink. 

“Hmm,” you grunted thoughtfully, snatching up the tiny kit of children’s cooking utensils you were looking for and straightening once more. Another thought for another time. Something else more important had just occurred to you. 

“So your family has made you pancakes before?” you asked, as carefully unsuspicious as you could manage. Which was probably not as unsuspicious as you’d like, considering you’d been asking loads of similarly casual-but-not-casual questions ever since he’d arrived. You figured you might as well be wearing a neon sign saying, ‘I’m trying to find out if your family treated you right.’ “They make you other stuff like this before?”

“Mmmmm...not a lot,” he said, his eyes dancing as he caught sight of the mini utensils. “They didn’t like any of us to eat too many human treats in case we got sick—did you get those for Sans?”

You cracked up at the way he obviously couldn’t wait to ask if his brother had baked. “Yeah,” you said, making a mental note of what he’d said about his family. “Underling decided recently that they would start cooking, uh,  _ actual food _ , and bullied Pumpkin into helping them. I think they might have started making a pot of rice one time? But I think they forgot what they were doing halfway through and ended up burning it. We had to get takeout in the end anyway.”

Puddin’s face was lit up with his rasping laughter as you unwrapped the utensils, your own smile spreading wide. When you snagged down the matching apron and offered both to him, you thought he might start levitating with excitement. 

“Y-you really wwwant me to help?” he asked, stuttering back into his eerie voice. 

“Of course,” you assured him, draping the apron over his head and tying it for him. With a little pat on his tiny shoulders, you moved back around to the stove and started showing him how to properly scoop and pour the batter. After that, you began teaching him how to make different breakfast foods and laughing about the many Underling  shenanigans that you and Pumpkin had been roped into participating in. In turn, he talked about his adoptive family and what living in the adoption center before that had been like.

Most of it was just funny anecdotes about how Pumpkin pulled pranks on any- and everybody who came near their area of the center and how Puddin’ had had to clean up each mess, but one thing in particular caught your attention more than the others. While recounting one story of a particularly complicated scare, Puddin’ ended with a sigh and an offhand comment about how covering everything in bloody slime was just what brothers did. Something about that pinged your memory and you’d asked him when his other brother had done something like that.

Puddin’ just made a face and refused to talk about it, choosing instead to flip another of his tiny pancakes. 

You tucked that thought away as well, deciding it wasn’t worth dwelling on.

By the time that Pumpkin appeared and Underling dragged themself into the kitchen as well, you and Puddin’ had managed to make an impressive spread. You all sat down to eat, though in the end you didn’t get much time for it. You were halfway through your plate when you caught sight of the time and realised that if you were to get out before there was too much traffic, you’d have to leave, oh...ten minutes ago.

“Shit.”

You abandoned your hard-earned breakfast for the cold reality of the shower and your quickly-returning anxiety. You’d managed to forget about it while teaching Puddin’, but it returned in full force and then some. From what he’d mentioned, it seemed his family was well-off enough to have adopted a fair few monsters—at least six, though Puddin’ couldn’t be sure, as he was hardly ever around the others. 

Which meant that the ace up your sleeve—full on bribery in case they couldn’t see how important it was to you that the brothers stay together—might be off the table.

You currently had no backup plan in that eventuality.

You  _ also  _ had no concrete idea of Puddin’s family’s address, you were painfully reminded as soon as you had everyone piled into the car. You’d put together from his vague recollection of his journey that he must live pretty far away to the north, but other than that…?

His guess was as good as yours.

So really you had nothing.

And you were still turning onto the highway.

“So, Puddin’,” you began, carefully trying to stay hopeful. Through the rearview mirror, you saw Pumpkin glance up at you from the booster seat in the back, where he’d been forced into his seatbelt by his brother. His amused look made it clear that he knew just how lost you were. You made a dumb face back at him and he laughed and looked away. You glanced over your shoulder to Puddin’, who was staring out at the scenery as it passed by, head craned right back. “Anything ringing a bell around here?”

“Uhhhhhh…”

He trailed off as you continued down the highway and you worked hard to ignore that pit in your stomach that told you you were about to get into some hijinks. You hurriedly turned on some music to distract you, which immediately got Underling scoffing at you. 

“Ugh, really?” they said, snatching your phone and switching it over to their own playlist. You twisted your mouth at them but kept silent. A distraction was a distraction, you supposed.

You soon fell into a driving trance aided by Underling’s confident, but inaccurate singing and the brothers’ oddly soothing skeleton language rattling in from the back. You spent a long while just thinking on what plan b might be in case of bribery fail, but eventually put it forcefully to the back of your mind when you realised there was no use. You were trying to plan for something that relied on unknown information. As much as you would like to have several backups in place, you had to actually  _ talk _ to the family first. You would just have to play it by ear.

Just like with everything else, apparently.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Lunch on the road!
> 
> WhhhhYYYYyYYyYYYYY WEREN'T YOU AT TUMBLR PRACTICE????
> 
> [ tellcosy.tumblr.com ](http://tellcosy.tumblr.com)


	11. Lunch

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lunch on the way

 

 

After a little while of aimless driving, you were relieved to hear Puddin’ exclaim that he recognised the weirdly judgemental billboard you passed. You took that as a good sign, especially when right after that you ended up in a tiny town that somehow still had a drive-through coffee shop. You pulled into it so fast, your tires nearly squealed. 

“Jeez, Boss, you don't have to hunt down the coffee you know. It just lays there and lets you buy it these days.”

You gave Underling a tired look. “Do I look like the kind of person who wouldn't burn rubber to get coffee?”

“Fair enough,” they said, chuckling to themselves as they continued fiddling with your phone. 

When it was your turn in the queue, you ordered a huge round of drinks and food despite the fact that you would never usually be caught dead spending so much. As you pulled through, you saw Underling and Pumpkin gaping at you from their respective seats. You let the car idle in silence for a few moments before breaking out laughing. 

“Frank's paying.”

Surprisingly, your admission that you were attempting to milk Frank's promise to pay for all it was worth did not make them nod and move on, satisfied that you weren't body-snatched. Instead, Underling's face stretched in a grinch-like smile, complete with head turtling into their neck and shoulders, and Pumpkin grimaced, looking up to the ceiling of the car and ignoring Puddin's questions about what was wrong.

“What?” you asked, baffled at their reactions.

“Frank's  _ paying _ ?” Underling asked, a hint of a ghoulishly gummy smile appearing.

“Yeah? What's so special about that?” You inches the car forward, relieved that you were only two behind in the line.

“Frank's paying for your  _ meal _ .”

The lightbulb in your head went off and you groaned, letting your head thump back against the headrest. “Listen, you—”

“Is Frank our new dad?”

You ground out another disgusted groan. “Shut up, oh my god, he's paying for  _ all _ of it, not just the meal.” 

Underling clicked their tongue, un-scrunching their head and neck and flopping back against their seat. “I hope he knows that you're marrying him for money, not love.”

“I'm not marrying him at all!”

Underling shot you an extremely pleased smile again. “Okay,  _ tsundere _ extraordinaire.” When you just huffed and ignored their attempt to rile you up, they snickered after a short pause. “You  _ looove _ him.”

“ _ Listen, you _ —”

“The line is moving!” Puddin’ chimed in, giving the back of your seat a little  _ rat-a-tat _ with his feet to get your attention. You continued playfully glowering at Underling as you inched the car forward, but they just leaned over you and the seat to raise their hand up to Puddin’.

“Nice save, little dude; high five!”

“Oh, I—well, I, ah, s-sure!” Puddin’ stammered, reaching around his brother to return the gesture. Pumpkin grunted and snorted, clearly annoyed with all the sleeves in his face but not saying anything. You felt sorry for him.

You waited until Underling folded themselves back into their seat before turning a narrow-eyed, thin-lipped look to them. They made a clicking sound in the back of their throat, mouth agape and eyes wide as they raised their hands palm-up. 

“Using the goodwill of a monster who only wants to help, just to further your own agenda. God, who are you,  _ Lex Luthor _ ?” you asked, drumming your fingers rhythmically on the wheel and inching forward again. 

“At least I’d look good in a suit, unlike  _ some _ billionaires—”

You shot them a warning look, mouth already open and ready to snap back before the drive-through window opened and you had to leave off to face the smiling worker inside. You smiled back, trying not to let your annoyance come through at all. The poor woman didn’t deserve to think she was gonna get chewed out just because Underling kept badgering you about something you didn’t want to discuss. You paid quickly, thanking her profusely when she handed over the stiff carton holding your coffees and the bag of food for the road.

“How come you never smile at  _ me _ like that?” Underling asked as you pulled out into traffic again, their mouth already jammed full of a breakfast burrito.  

“Can’t handle me at my worst, don’t deserve me at my best,” you quipped, much happier now that you had a mouthful of something soothingly caffeinated. You glanced back at the brothers and asked, “You guys want any of this?”

“Uhhh…”

After a quick merge onto the highway and another glance into the rearview mirror, you saw Pumpkin looking dubious and Puddin’s neck craning to get a look at the plastic cups. “Not sure where to start?”

“Here, try this junk,” Underling offered, situating their drink in Puddin’s lap and tilting the straw through the mountain of cream on top so that he could get his little teeth around it. 

You had to look away when someone started passing you on the right, but when you glanced back you saw that Puddin’ had wrapped his legs fully around the drink and had the most intent, focused expression you’d ever seen on him, his eyes blown wide and bright. He was shaking his head in short, sharp bursts when Underling kept trying to take the drink back, and you snorted into your own drink as you choked up with laughter at the sight. 

“Come on, ‘Pyrus, you’ll get sick if you don’t stop,” Pumpkin was saying, though you could tell that he was just as amused as you were. “Also, weren’t you telling  _ me _ I needed to lay off the junk food?”

You heard the plasticky crunch and ugly duck honk of the straw being lowered back into the cup when Puddin’ gave a long, aggrieved sigh. “You didn’t have to mention that, Sans, but you did, and now I feel bad.”

You had to bite your cheek to keep from laughing at the way Puddin’s passive-aggressive accusation sounded in his tiny voice. He was like a miniature grandmother.

“Aw, man, don’t feel bad,” Pumpkin groaned, looking thoroughly guilted. “I didn’t mean anything by it. You know I’m just gettin’—”

When Pumpkin cut himself off suddenly and no one else called on him to continue, you glanced back and did so yourself. You caught a glimpse of his face ducking into the neck of his jacket before he grunted out a reluctant, “Nothin’.”

“No, no,” you pressed, your voice playful to cover the fact that you were actually concerned. You knew how embarrassed he got when you made a fuss over him. “Come on, what’s up?”

There was a long silence that followed, cut only by the sound of Underling skipping several songs to reach the one they wanted.

“It’s just—ugh, it’s stupid.” Before you could assure him it wasn’t, he simply growled and continued quickly with, “You don’t actually hate this Frank guy, do you, Boss?”

You blinked, thoroughly caught off guard by Pumpkin’s question. For a brief moment you thought about insisting that you didn’t want to talk about it, but it felt wrong to do so when Pumpkin was so obviously keyed up about something. So instead, you took a huge lungful of air and held it before letting it out in a grumbling rush and said,

“No, I don’t hate ‘that Frank guy.’”

Pumpkin was quiet for another little bit before throwing back at you, “So, what is he to you then?  _ Is _ he gonna be our new dad or something?”

You spluttered into your drink before choking out over Underling’s roaring laughter, “What— _ new _ ? No,  _ no _ , he’s not going to be anyone’s dad! Or, well—I mean, he  _ might _ be, but certainly not for this family unit.”

“Aww, I didn’t know you thought of me as  _ family _ —”

“You—” you cut Underling off, waggling a finger at them blindly. “— _ shut. _ This is all your fault!”

“ _ What _ ! This is  _ so _ not—”

“Shut! Shut, you fool traitor!”

Before you could waggle your finger any harder, Pumpkin called over the both of you, “It really isn’t their fault, Boss! I’ve been wondering about this guy for a little while now.”

Both of you went quiet in the face of Pumpkin’s words, your hand immediately returning to the wheel as though it had never left. 

“Oh,” you said.

Underling only made a gremlin face at you. 

You ignored them.

“Why are you so worried about it now, then?” you asked, guilt blooming in your chest. Had Pumpkin been upset about Frank for a long time without you even noticing? What else had you missed without even realising?

“Uh…it’s just...uh...”

You glanced back to see Pumpkin shifting uncomfortably and Puddin’ staring him down like a mother who’d caught their child cheating on a test. Pumpkin didn’t seem too interested in paying his brother any attention, though, nor did he seem to want to actually talk about his concerns. As soon as you looked back to the road, though, there came the sound of what you could only imagine was a bony elbow being jammed against bony ribs and a loud “ _ Gah _ !” from Pumpkin.

“Fine, fine!” he conceded after that,  throwing his hands up. “I just think it’s stupid that you talk about him like that when he has the final say in— _ gah _ ! Cut it out, ‘Pyrus!”

While Pumpkin rubbed at his sore ribs, you nodded absently, the pieces of the puzzle falling into place. “You’re worried that I’m going to end up sabotaging Puddin’s chance at adoption because I don’t like Frank.”

Pumpkin seemed reluctant to look you in the eye at first, but when he did, he simply nodded. You sighed. 

“Yeah, I don’t blame you for thinking that.”

“But...you won’t. Right?”

You rolled your head loosely in denial. “Frank isn’t like that. He’s a—a good guy. If there’s anything he can do to help us with this, he’ll do it.”

“So why do you hate him so much?”

You could feel Underling’s accusing gaze on you even as you grimaced at Pumpkin’s innocent question.

“It’s just. Ancient history. Bad stuff that happened a long time ago.”

There was a beat of silence before Underling said, “Bad stuff that happened a long time ago and…?”

You made a face. “And I’m too stubborn to let it go.”

“And you’re too stubborn to let it go,” they repeated just after you, nodding in rhythm with their words. “Though I don’t exactly blame you for hating him, now that he’s messing up our store’s groove.”

“Bad stuff like what?” Puddin’ asked, his curious eyes shining bright. You were spared having to answer the specifics when Pumpkin’s eyes went wide with understanding.

“Wait—so this Frank guy is  _ the _ guy? The one who wouldn’t help you look for your other Sans?”

“Other Sans?” Puddin’ asked, his eyebrows raising.

“ _ Yes,  _ Frank is  _ the _ guy, but  _ no _ , it wasn’t like he  _ wouldn’t _ help me look for Red,” you said, gnawing at your upper lip as you maneuvered around traffic. You began spilling the entire story before you could stop yourself, ready to just have it be out there. “When I was young, I was in the first wave of monster-human bonding tests, Puddin’. I was paired with a Sans back then, too. Red. Another horror-type, though there weren’t many back then. Frank and I became friends because he was one of the only other people to bond with an unusual type.

But a little bit after Red and I had officially bonded, he was taken from me. I still don’t know by who. And Frank, he...he did try. He tried to use his influence as the CEO’s son to find any clues about Red he could. But not as hard as I wanted him to.”

You drifted to a stop at a red light in the middle of another small town, eyes only slightly glazed over with the dulled memory of what had happened. It was a long time ago. You weren’t hurting over it anymore, but you couldn’t forget the frustration and anger you’d felt at how  _ privileged _ Frank had been. He had been surrounded by monsters every day—if  _ he  _ had been the one to lose his closest companion and friend, he could have easily found another to bond with, you’d thought back then. It had felt unfair that you, the poor kid with no friends and hardly any family, were the one who had to feel the sting of loss.

You weren’t so young anymore, though, and the world not so easily defined.

“And, well,” you continued vaguely, “that’s about it, really. I shut myself off from him, he felt I was being unfair, and when he took over from his father years later, things only got worse for us. He was—and still is—constantly in my business. Constantly there, reminding me that he’s made it bigger, made it better, made it faster. Makes me feel like I’m a teenager again, trying to fight back against this wave of—of impossible largeness. It’s...just petty, really. But I can’t help it. I don’t like him.”

 There was a long silence after your mini-speech, and you were surprised that Underling didn’t seem compelled to lighten the slightly damp mood it had cast over the four of you. You didn’t bother taking up the mantle when it became clear that everyone was simply becoming lost in their own thoughts. You normally didn’t mind silence, but it felt odd in the car after your revelation. Instead of letting yourself blurt out an apology or start rambling, you just forced yourself to turn the music back up and focus on driving. 

It didn’t really help, though, and the longer that you drove without Puddin’ giving directions, the more tense you got, until it felt like you  _ had  _ to say something or risk just blurting out random facts about snails.

Thankfully, you were all spared from that particular nightmare by Puddin’ kicking his feet roughly against the seat and crying out,

“There! That road! Turn here!”

You managed not to squeal the tires this time, but you were still swearing loudly as you swung into the tight turn, empty cups flying from their place between the seats. You puffed out a huge breath of air across your forehead as you gripped the steering wheel tight, easing back into as normal of driving as you could. You were not getting less tense by the sudden direction that you had been hoping for. The road you had turned on was decidedly...swanky.

Affluent, even.

_ God _ , you felt like you had to be taking out a mortgage just to have your wheels on the asphalt.

_ This _ was where Puddin’ had lived? Oh, god, this was the nightmare scenario. This was panic time. This was unsolvable territory. You were boned. Shit. Shit— 

“Aaah, yes, this one! That’s it! That’s my old house!”  

With knuckles white on the wheel, you pulled up to the curb outside one of the fanciest, nasty-richest houses you’d ever seen. It was so tasteful you wanted to puke.

They had balcon _ ies _ . As in  _ plural _ of balcony.

The plurality of balcony.

_ Shit _ .

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: dinner with the family.
> 
> Love owt like tumblr, me!  
>  _~Mahatma Gandhi_
> 
> [ tellcosy.tumblr.com ](https://tellcosy.tumblr.com)


	12. Straight to Dessert

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> That was unexpected.

 

 

The long, low whistle from Underling snapped you out of your mini-panic.

“Whoooah, these people are  _ riche _ .  _ Tres riche _ .” When you looked over at them out of the corner of your eye, you saw them glance around at the neighborhood before whispering, “Maybe even  _ nouveau riche _ .”

“Shut up, that isn’t what that means,” you said absently, your nerves making you snappish.

“Sure it is!” they insisted, giving your arm a little back-slap. “But I dunno if it’s legal for nouveau-richers to have that many balconies.”

“I don’t know if it’s legal for anybody to have that many balconies,” you whispered under your breath, eyes wide.

“I bet they just  _ made _ it legal. I bet they have the cops in their pocket.”

You stared at Underling in horror. They made the money gesture at you, rubbing their fingertips together menacingly.

“Hehe,” you vaguely heard Pumpkin say from the back seat. “Check it out. A bird is pooping on that guy’s fancypants car.”

“Shh, man, they’ll hear you!” Underling said, flapping their hands wildly. “We’ll get blamed for it if you’re not careful.”

“I’m gonna go to jail just for talking to these people, aren’t I,” you said dreamily, still staring up at the sweeping house in front of you. “This is it, folks.”

“What? Nooo, no! Stop it, they’re all very nice, I promise!” Puddin’ said, working hard to get him and Pumpkin unbuckled. “No one is going to end up in jail!”

“Don’t worry about us, Puddin’,” you reassured, taking a deep breath to steel yourself and finally tearing your gaze away.  “We’re just a little out of our depth here. We’ll get over it.”

“Boss especially is gonna have to get over it,” Underling said cheekily, leaning back to help the brothers unbuckle themselves. “Gotta practice being around the super rich before they go to live on Frank’s megayacht.”

You scowled at them playfully, unsure whether to scold them for their incorrect pronunciation of ‘yacht’ or their continued shipping of you and Frank.

“He doesn’t have a  _ megayacht _ ,” you said pointedly, despite not actually knowing if it was true.  _ Did _ Frank have a megayacht? You unbuckled yourself as well and stepping out of the car with a groan, bending your back to get all the kinks out.

“If you need to tell yourself that in order to get the vows out, then go ahead.”

You shot an unamused smile over the car at Underling before catching Pumpkin as he teleported onto your shoulder. 

They smiled smugly back at you, tucking Puddin’ under their arm like a prized poodle.

“C’mon, then, let’s get this hellish dream over with,” you grumbled, wrapping Pumpkin up more securely and trudging up the terracotta path. The four of you stopped dead in front of the door, hovering awkwardly around the buzzer.

“Oh, man. Should we wash our hands before knocking?”

You grimaced at Underling’s words.

“With the way you scarfed down that burrito earlier, I’d say yeah,” Pumpkin snickered, ignoring the look his brother gave him. “Wouldn’t want the butler to slap you with his handkerchief.”

“ _ No _ , you don’t have to  _ wash _ your  _ hands _ before  _ ringing the _ —oh!”

All of you flinched with surprise when the door swung open to reveal a tiny, curly-haired girl with an original-type Toriel monster standing slightly in front of her, and only barely shorter. “Are you guys coming in or not?” she said, noisily chewing gum between words. “Mommy and Daddy are waiting for you. Hi, Pappy! I missed you!”

You stared at the girl, swallowing heavily to snap yourself out of your daze. Her parents were waiting for you? What—how—

You sneakily glanced down at your phone as Puddin’ waved happily back at the girl. “Hi, Gilly! Hi Tori! I missed you too! I’m sorry for going without leaving a note!”

Ugh,  _ Frank _ . You scowled down at the text from him that listed off the family’s address and ended with ‘gave them a quick ring to let you know you’d be coming sometime’ that was dated only a few minutes ago. Thanks, man. Super helpful.

“That’s quite alright, my dear,” Toriel said kindly, though not without a little admonishment. When you glanced back up at the little girl—Gilly?—and Toriel, you saw that the monster was staring up at you with those ageless, knowing red eyes. You gulped and silently slid your phone back into your pocket, thoroughly chastised without her having to say a single thing.

No matter how old you got, Toriels just seemed to have the innate ability to intimidate you.

Thank god you’d never managed to meet their creator.

“Gilly, what have I told you about answering the—oh, hello!” The voice that had been approaching from further in the house suddenly had a face to match it. A wide-eyed, kind-faced man gave you a broad smile as he swept his eyes across everyone and settled on you. “Are you all here about Clawford?”

“His nickname is  _ Puddin’  _ now, Daddy,” Gilly said with a firm, disappointed shake of her head. Her dad blinked down at her before crooking his head back up towards you, his mouth twisted into a look of approval.

“Is that right?”

You shrugged, managing an only-slightly-awkward smile back at him. You hoped to god he didn’t ask how a rare, powerful monster like Papyrus had ended up with a name like that. You also hoped he was kind enough to overlook the fact that you’d re-named him already. You thought you might return to your primordial goop form if he mentioned it. Especially since Toriel was giving you a  _ look  _ now—that particularly motherly look that only she could manage—clearly aware of your discomfort. To be honest, you deserved it. You were there representing your company in a way, and you hadn't even been able to wait a single day without giving a new name to a monster you had no right to be naming.

Other than the fact that he had wanted the name.

Which, okay, was a pretty good reason to have done it.

“Hey, how'd you know his new name?”

You looked over at Underling in surprise, snapped out of your mini-panic by their thoughtful question. They gave you a little shrug and eyebrow raise. You grimaced at them 

“Oh, Gillian is extremely good at checking people already,” Toriel was saying, her voice full of pride. The little girl looked quietly pleased, but chose not to respond, which you thought was very strange for a child as young as she obviously was. “She's...very astute.”

“She's a primary soul. Red,” Pumpkin grumbled at your chin, loud enough that everyone could hear.

“Wow,” you burst out involuntarily. When everyone's eyes swung to you, you cleared your throat to try to save a bit of face. “They're, uh. Red souls are pretty rare. I only know one other person with a...a red soul,” you finished lamely after trailing off.

“Really?” Gilly’s father asked with close interest, his eyes sharp on you. “You know someone else like Gilly?”

You gave a smile that was only half grimace. “Yeah. They’re an adult and still just. All red, actually.”

“Huh!” Gilly’s dad seemed to get lost in contemplation for a quick moment before he snapped out of it with a shake of his head. “Oh! Ah, sorry, where are my manners? Why don’t you come in and have something to drink and we can keep talking there?”

“Oh, uh, yeah, sure, thanks,” you stuttered, making an effort to not be such a mess. You gestured for Underling to go ahead of you when Gilly and her dad moved aside. You shook your head at them when they gave you a questioning look, clearly asking what was up with you. You had no answer for them that wasn’t just ‘big house make boss big scared.’

“Hey, Boss.”

You tilted your head slightly towards Pumpkin as you followed everyone, closing the door behind you. 

“Yeah?” you whispered back at him.

He gave your collarbone a little kick and said in a deadpan voice, “You reckon Daddy Frank’s house is bigger than this?”

You nearly choked, just managing to cover up the squawking noise you made with several hard coughs into the crook of your arm. As you waved off Gilly’s dad’s concern, you glared at Pumpkin through watery eyes.

He just smiled smugly back at you.

“Pumpkin, chrissake,” you hissed at him with a shake of your head and barely-restrained laughter. “Don’t ever call him that again.”

“What?” he murmured back at you as you swiped at your eyes and caught up to everyone. “What’s so wrong with calling my new father Daddy?”

You had to bite your cheek to keep the laughter from spilling out as you took the proffered seat at the biggest, softest couch you’d ever seen. You had no idea what drink you agreed to having, you were so distracted by Pumpkin’s joke. You didn’t really care what you got, anyway, beyond Gilly’s dad thankfully leaving to go get the drinks. As soon as he did, taking Gilly and Toriel with him, you turned to Underling and burst out in a heated whisper,

“You will pay with your blood for this.”

“Good luck getting any out of me, I’m like a camel,” they mumbled back without missing a beat, turning to face you on the couch while Papyrus jumped over to the coffee table to flip through the magazines there. “What did I do anyway? And what’s up with you? You need the bathroom?”

“You tainted my son with the...Daddy,” you grumbled, though you were still struggling not to laugh. “You’ve brought shame to us all.”

“Yeah well, they would’ve heard it from the other kids eventually,” they said, squashing themselves down into the couch. “Man, this thing is  _ cushy _ . If I get lost in it, don’t send help.”

“You’re welcome, anyway,” Pumpkin mumbled from where he’d hopped down next to Papyrus. 

You looked over to him, confusion scrunching up your face. “‘Cha’mean?”

Pumpkin seemed surprised that you didn’t know what he was talking about, pausing briefly in his perusal of the candy dish. “For snapping you out of it. Dunno why you were just leaving yourself open to all that magic, but you looked like you were about to swallow your own tongue, you were so twitchy.”

Several things clicked into place as you stared dumbly down at Pumpkin’s concerned face. Finally, as though air were being let out of a too-tight balloon, you sighed, “Ooooooh.”

Pumpkin just snorted and started rifling through the candy again.

“What? What ‘oh?’” Underling asked, still sinking further into themselves. They were nearly doubled up now, their chin resting heavily on their chest.

“So is Toriel…?” you asked Puddin’ vaguely, gesturing all around the house as you ignored Underling’s squawks of disapproval for ignoring them.

“The focal point? Yes!” Puddin’ answered, his head propped on his hand as he sat cross-legged in front of a decorating magazine. His eyes lit up with second-hand pride as he said, “She’s very good at wrangling the eleven of us—or, well, ten now, I suppose! Even though I never really meshed properly, we never had any blackouts.” 

_ Ten _ .

_ Ten _ monsters lived here?

With only one Toriel to help focus all that?

Well, that was a relief, at least, in a way. Your sudden strange panic wasn’t just because you were scared of rich people; you were also just kind of stupid. You’d let yourself get distracted by their wealth and hadn’t thought to protect yourself against the possibility of a multi-monster household despite the fact that you’d considered it earlier. You’d been hit by that wall of magic that resulted from a large group of bonded monsters and hadn’t stood a chance. To be fair to yourself, though, you’d encountered very few households with quite so  _ many _ monsters. Any normal house wouldn’t be able to manage a bonding with more than two or three and still maintain the wild, conflicting magic. 

And for them to have  _ ten _ …

Well, you felt very lucky that all that had happened to you was a bit of manageable panic.

Normally, if someone attempted more bondings than they could handle, there would be blowouts—magical repercussions that ranged from mild human symptoms like headaches and mood swings to full magical blackouts that could make weak monsters fall down. It all depended on the makeup of the house’s monsters, how well their respective magics worked together, and how strong the soul of the bonded human. A focal point monster  _ could _ help—usually a royal, as any other monster wouldn’t likely be strong enough to allow that amount of magic to pass through them, nevermind filter it and keep the house’s occupants safe at the same time.

But this house had  _ ten _ —eleven, very recently—and presumably several, if not all, were very powerful. Toriel or not, you had to believe that that amount of monsters were bonded to several people. Gilly’s parents and older siblings? Maybe some extended family?

Despite what you  _ wanted _ to believe, though, your instincts were focused solely on that little curly-haired girl and how Toriel had looked at her like she was her own daughter.

This wasn’t a split-bonded household.

You were suddenly  _ very _ interested in speaking to Gilly’s parents.

“Hey, Boss, what’s up? Why d’you have that look?”

You glanced over at Underling, more than a little dazed at this new information. You had never encountered a situation like this that hadn’t ended in tears.

You wondered if Frank knew.

“Multi-monster household,” was all you said to Underling before turning back to Puddin’ and asking, “Puddin’, you said you didn’t mesh well when you were here?”

“No, I—er—”

“Toriel always said it was because his type was too chaotic,” a woman cut in from the doorway, smiling at the four of them as she carried in an enormous tray of drinks. Considering she looked like a taller, older carbon copy of Gilly, you could only assume it was her mother. Especially when she gave you a mischievous smile that looked exactly the same as the little girl’s and said, “But between you and me, I just think it’s because she got frustrated with how determined he was.”

“Determination in monsters is  _ dangerous _ ,” Toriel said from the doorway as Gilly’s mother placed the tray on the coffee table and sat across from you and Underling. “It can easily turn against them if they don’t know how to keep it in check.”

You looked between Toriel and Puddin’, noticing how chastised Puddin’ seemed despite how Toriel was clearly more concerned for his own health than anything else. Still, he seemed ready to apologise before Gilly’s dad spoke from behind her, over his own tray full of treats and sandwiches,

“Determination is dangerous, says the monster with the red eyes.”

Toriel took one look at the wide, cheeky smile spread across Gilly’s dad’s face and seemed to decide not to respond to his bait. 

“It was lovely meeting you,” Toriel chose to say to you instead, her eyes sharp but not unfriendly. “I hope you stay in touch. We’d all miss Papyrus terribly if we never saw him again.”

“Well, ah, yeah, sure, of course we’ll—but, uh, I mean, we haven’t really even talked about…” You trailed off when Toriel just smiled and nodded once, leaving the room. “Uhhh…” You turned with intention to question Gilly’s mom on what Toriel had meant by that, but were distracted by the sheer spread and luxury of the food they’d brought out. “Oh my god, uh, wow, hey, you really didn’t have to do all this,” you babbled nervously, looking between the two of them.

Gilly’s mom just laughed and waved her hand as she took a drink up from one of the trays. “Oh, no, don’t worry about it. It’s really the least we could do for Papyrus’s new family.”

You froze, not daring to hope that you’d heard her correctly. Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Pumpkin looking much the same as you felt.

Nah; no way was it going to be that easy.

Life was never that easy.

“I—I’m sorry, uh…”

Gilly’s mom jumped in when you trailed off, saying, “Oh, gosh, my apologies. I’m Yvonne and my husband is Kyle.”

“Yvonne. Kyle,” you said, looking at both of them respectively. You spread your hands in supplication, glancing over at Underling to see their reaction, but they were too busy staring intensely at the tray of cakes. “I’m sorry, maybe I misunderstood what you meant by ‘new family’, but—”

Yvonne laughed, her voice high and friendly. Kyle smiled at you over his drink, his eyes twinkling. “Yes, Frank did mention you might be sceptical.” She reached behind her and grabbed a folder from the sideboard. “Here’s the forms; we’ve already signed them and had them notarised.” She paused when your eyebrows shot up, then her mouth curled into a sheepish smile. “We figured that Papyrus left to find his brother, and we didn’t want anything to stop them being together once he did.”

“You knew he would find Pumpkin?” you asked.

“Well...yeah.” Kyle said, glancing between you and Yvonne. “Papyrus was always the most susceptible to Gilly’s...”

“Determination?”

You turned your eyes to Pumpkin, who had spoken despite a mouth full of raw steak. God, was that  _ filet mignon _ ? You gave him a look to say that he'd better not get used to eating like that. 

He grinned, his teeth stained pink. 

“Exactly,” Yvonne said, brushing her hair from her face and taking a sip of her drink. She clinked her fingernails on the glass as she continued, “So naturally we figured he wouldn't stop until he'd found his brother. We'd noticed you leaving for longer and longer, and we thought about insisting that we help you,” she gave a shoulder-shrug to Puddin’, “but we knew that would only make you push yourself too hard to prove that you could do it yourself.”

Everyone was quiet, looking to Puddin’ for his response. He seemed to be thinking it over seriously, his fingers scratching lightly at his jaw.

Finally he nodded and said, “She’s right, I would have.”

Yvonne gave you a knowing smile, gesturing lightly to the little skeleton.

“Well, I—” you took a deep breath and exhaled while saying, “I see! So. That’s...that, then?”

“Well...yeah,” Kyle said with a laugh as Yvonne handed over the forms. “As soon as you sign, he’s free to be adopted again.”

You stared down at the orange folder gripped tight in your hand, suddenly hit with the importance of it.

Several pens were thrust under your nose.

You looked up in surprise, hesitating for a second before a snort of laughter burst out of you. Taking the pen closest to you that wasn’t Underling’s multi-colour one, you quickly signed your name in the proper spots and snapped the folder closed again. You turned back to the skeleton brothers with hands held palm-up and a grin teasing the edges of your mouth.

The boys and Underling were all looking back at you, mirroring your gesture. 

“Eh?” you grunted with a huge smile. “Ehh?”

“Eyyy!” the three of them answered back before the brothers turned to hug each other tight. You and Underling fell into a back-thumping hug as well, laughing. You soon turned to include Yvonne and Kyle in the celebration, though, shaking their hands and saying earnestly,

“Thank you  _ so much _ . If there’s  _ anything _ we can do for you guys—”

“ _ Well _ .”

You nodded encouragingly at Kyle, eyebrows high.

Kyle looked over at Yvonne for a second, a silent conversation clearly happening between them. Finally he turned back and said slowly, as if testing out the water, 

“Well, you mentioned you know someone else who is a red soul.”

You glanced between them, head tilting slightly. It eventually clicked.

“Red souls are really something, huh,” you said with a knowing smile.

Both of Gilly’s parents nodded, exchanging a  _ look _ .

You opened your mouth to assure them that the person you knew could help Gilly get her wild Determination under control, but you stopped when you felt a rush of wind next to your cheek. You looked over your shoulder to see Underling with their arm high in the air, hand held out as if asking to be called on by the teacher.

When they realised that they had everyone’s attention, they let their hand drop and said with wide eyes, “Before you get them started on business talk—and since the signing business has been taken care of—can we eat the cake now?”

 Yvonne and Kyle laughed and pushed the trays of treats closer to you and Underling, insisting that they be eaten. You chose a pastry that looked promising, nibbling on it while going back to the conversation about Gilly. You listened to them talk about the many ways Gilly had gotten herself into trouble, both with humans and monsters, because of her affinity. You told them some stories of your own, you and your mother having been primary red souls for a little while you were young. 

Eventually, after mentioning the pranks that Sans pulled all the time, you realised that not only had everyone else stopped adding to the conversation, but the light coming through the windows had dimmed as well. You looked around to see that the brothers had both fallen asleep in their food—Sans face-down in a bowl of chips and Papyrus reclined and splaying, propped up against the remains of a cake slice. Underling had a zombie look about them, sunken into the couch once more with vacant eyes and some kind of jam smeared at the corner of their mouth.

“Uhh, I guess it’s time to go?” you said, grinning sheepishly back at Yvonne and Kyle.

“It looks like,” Yvonne said, chuckling.

“Sorry for taking so much of your time,” you said as you gathered up the brothers in your arms and prodded Underling with the toe of your shoe. “I get way too excited talking about stuff like this, I’m afraid.”

“Oh, no, no—” Gilly’s parents started before Pumpkin interrupted them with a snort and,

“Wha? Whassat? Where’s the chips?”

Puddin’ groaned and weakly resisted your grip. “No...no...no cake left behind...”

You handed him over to Underling, shaking your head and saying, “No way, son. Both of you have had  _ enough _ junk food. It’s definitely bad for little skeletons.”

“Nuh,” Pumpkin said, though he didn’t fight you when you put him in his scarf. You realised that was because he had already fallen back asleep, his mouth hanging open and one of his teeth snagging on the fabric. You got him un-snagged and quickly said goodbye to Yvonne and Kyle, promising to come visit as soon as you’d passed on their request for help with Gilly.

Soon—with a surprisingly minimal amount of fussing—you were back on the road and headed home, the brothers and Underling all asleep once more. You tucked a headphone in one ear, relaxing into the drive for a while. There was a beautiful sunset on one side of you and a lovely crisp breeze tickling your face on the other and the stress from earlier finally began to melt away. This time you could just enjoy the feeling of the road stretching back home ahead of you. There was only a few forms and technicalities and hoops to jump through before Puddin’ was officially adopted into the family.

You’d done it.

You’d really done it.

Pumpkin had his brother back. For good.

“What’s the smile about?” Underling asked quietly when you pulled into the parking lot of your home a while later, their voice thick with sleep.

You glanced over at them as you parked and shut off the engine. “Nothing. Just nice that it worked out, is all.”

“Yeah?” they said, sitting up a little straighter and rubbing their eyes. “Does this mean you’re gonna keep your promise to Frank?”

“W’sat?” you asked, unclipping your seatbelt and reaching into the backseat to undo the brothers’ restraints as well. They flopped forward into your hands with fussy groans.

“You know. How you said that if he helped with the adoption, you’d hire—”

“ _ Oh _ , no,” you said with a laugh, giving Underling a disbelieving look as they took Puddin’ from you with a side-eye. “C’mon, really? You think he  _ meant _ that?”

“Do  _ you _ know many billionaires that joke about things like that?”

You sighed and closed your car door, Pumpkin back in his scarf. “Could you  _ please  _ stop with the billionaire thing?”

“Yeah, okay. Sorry,” they said as you both headed inside and began the trudge up the stairs to your place. “You know I don’t get many chances to tease you about stuff like this.”

You bumped them gently on one of the landings. “You could let  _ some _ of them pass by.”

“And miss a single chance to get that special glare you give out when Frank’s mentioned? I don’t think so, Buster Brown.” You snorted as they fished their keys out of their pocket and unlocked the door to your house. “So if you aren’t gonna help him out after all, then what d’ya think Frank’ll do about— _ Frisk _ ?”

“Well, maybe he’ll just— _ Frisk _ !?”

Frisk looked up from where they lay on the floor, their hands folded lightly over their stomach.

“Oh, hey guys. You’re home late.” 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Next up: Frisk invites themselves.


End file.
